Muse [h.s.]

4. golden

Harry's POV
a year ago

Golden, golden, golden as I open my eyes.

Since I've waken up this morning, I can't seem to get the image of her out of my head, the way her honey colored eyes lit up as I pulled up to the sunflower field, the adorable little squeal that erupted from her lips, the way she clapped her small hands in excitement.

She had thrown her arms around my neck, squeezing me, which took me completely off guard; I hadn't expected her to do that. It felt so good, so natural to wrap my arms around her tiny frame as she held me for that split second.

Hold it, focus, hoping, take me back to the light,
I know you were way too bright for me.

Aurelia -- how fitting that her name means golden. She's so bright and full of life; her radiance seems to fill her up and is utterly contagious, drenching and consuming the souls of everyone that's around her — consuming my soul.

She is golden, a golden girl.

It's been a while since I've felt like this. Sure, I've been in other relationships, but no woman has had me so mesmerized, so infatuated in the way that Aurelia does. For fuck's sake, I'm still here laying in bed, humming the small melody in my head that I've thought of since last night, thinking of lyrics.

Truthfully, I'm terrified.

It's been a few days since our last phone call, when I told her that I don't think we should be doing this. I know I shouldn't have said that; with how I'm feeling right now, there's nothing I want more than to see her, to make stupid little jokes just to hear her adorable laugh, to do things just to see her smile.

I'm hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky.

I'll admit — I'm scared. I don't want this to end badly, but I can't ignore the fact that this one woman has already consumed my entire being. I've had horrible experiences in my past relationships and I admit, it's been hard because of the life I have. I haven't had the best of luck with relationships and my feelings for Aurelia scare me because from the moment I've seen her, I knew she was something extraordinary.

I don't want to fuck this up.

Living this life, it's hard for the outside not to have an influence over a relationship, no matter how private you try to be. It's been hard to allow myself to be vulnerable, but Aurelia...she doesn't care about all that. She tries to get to know me, for who I really am, and no one has ever done that before.

"Is your ultimate goal accomplished? Do you feel like you're able to be who you really are?" She had asked me. No one had ever asked me that, no one other than her.

I don't wanna be alone.

It takes a lot for me to be so open and vulnerable; I've only ever portrayed these feelings through my music, it's how I convey how I feel and what I've experienced, it's what always resonated with me the most. I'm scared that this will end badly, because I don't want to end up alone. Especially not after this, not after sharing that beautiful moment with her in that sunflower field, there's no way I could go back.

But, I can feel it take a hold,
I can feel you take control, of who I am, and all I've ever known.

She's a strong force of nature, almost as if she's ethereal and not from this planet. She already has such a hold on me, she has complete control over me, whether she knows it or not, and it terrifies me. She's already become so important to me, causing a twist in my plans since that one night at the bar where we met.