I've been listening to a lot of lectures lately of psychologists on the pod cast one main one is Jordan Peterson talking so much sense but can still be conflicting. He said "A lot of people up to 40 can be so life destructive" not care about there self and where their heading, just taking the wrong path.
See I still care for Sam but not I love no more. I'm more ashamed of what I did to such a beautiful person, I am more wanting her to have the best life she possible can have and looks like she has finally settled and had a family so good on her hope so much it goes well.
Me on the other hand feel like I'm getting what I deserve and starting to feel like I've had enough punishment. I love my kids but can't be doing this no more and definitely don't want no more kids with Donna.
Just before Christmas I saw a message to her friend saying she's wants a new man all together she wants another baby. Now I've gave up confronting her about anything now won't get no answers and it was so close to Christmas have to make it bearable to have a nice one with the kids.
It's been to cold the last few weeks to even think about moving out and the implant she has is due to be replaced in march so near enough sure she'll wait till then so why should I not wait till it becomes a bit warmer.
Now thinking about getting myself a big van so I am able to convert to a camper live in that for a couple of years and save up money to get a mortgage on a 2 bedroom house so if the kids want to move in anytime they can.
Think I need time for myself never done that, my life has always been about other people, I have always been trying to give everyone else a leg up, time for me. This does feel and sound very selfish even to me, specially seeing I have kids now, but everyone deserves a year or 2 out there life don't they just to have a break or even a week would be nice.
Im starting to feel like I'm breaking down everything hurting so depressed in a spiral I'm never getting out of and for to long I believed I deserve it over 5 year to be exact, I think that as got to be enough punishment I know I deserve more but no start to think I have to stop it before Donna convince me to bring another life in this horrible world with her, because it bad enough having two kids with her
YOU ARE READING
The Fake Smile Of A Man
RomanceAbout love, life and just wanting the perfect family but he realises he just can't have it all. Cheating, lies and feeling's getting broke is just some of the truth that comes out. This story has not been edited croped or changed its straight from...
