The Fake Smile Of A Man

Still believe it's a dream

I still feel like I'm going to wake up any moment. I mean I get so stressed, worried and plan right depressed but it don't seem real half the time and feels like my life has been turned upside down.

Still missing Sam but hope she is having a better life than I could give her she deserves that.

I still clean up every day still feel like I'm only here to serve them but do love having kids the family Life still thinking it's the wrong person but I made the choice and I have to put up with it. Can't back out now got to give everything I have for the kids.

Is it wrong that every few week I feel I see someone that look much like Sam that I take a picture in my head of how beautiful she is then turn the other way feeling guilt.

Just last week I saw someone that looked like her in BM at the back of the Que I felt like I didn't even deserve to be in the same Que so I walked off and sat in my car just trying to picture her hoping shes ok 

And no I don't think this is because I want back or would have her back it's gone far past that. It's that I want her to have to best possible life she could have without dick heads like me if it makes her much happier I would probably go dig my own grave. But don't think knowing any of this would and it does seem like she's living a happy life well I hope so have not had the courage to ask don't think I'll ever will best to see from a distance