Us (Bellarke Fanfic)

[chapter thirteen - clarke]

I can't decide whether that was the best or worst sleep of my life. 

It's one or the other, that I know for sure. On one hand, I slept through the night and I actually feel rested. On the other hand, I had dreams of being alone and my life falling apart, which isn't exactly how I wanted to start my last day at home. 

Last night was fun, at least. Mom and I ate a whole tub of ice cream, which might not have been smart, but it gave us a chance to just hang out. We didn't even have to talk about anything, which was nice. I feel like we're always trying to tap into some emotional connection, and sometimes I just want her to be my friend. 

But that time went way quicker than I thought it would, and suddenly it was midnight and we needed to sleep. It was kind of weird trying to doze off in a room not cluttered with my photographs and belongings, but eventually I got settled. 

And now it's time for her to leave. Once and for all. 

My last three boxes are packed in the trunk of the car - Mom is going to drop me off at Octavia's, then get going from there. She doesn't start until tomorrow, but she wants time to get settled in her apartment. 

She's even hired someone to come meet the tenants for her, because she doesn't want me to look back once I'm out. Good luck with that. 

"Okay, Clarke, we're all packed up. I just checked your room, it's locked up nice and good, and I've told Pearl to reiterate that it's off limits."

"Thank you, Mom," I say, watching as she walks down the stairs. For someone about to go on an almost four hour road trip, she certainly seems to be dressed up. Her hair is curled and pulled out of her face, and she's even wearing light makeup. "You look nice," I comment.

"You're not the only one starting fresh," Mom says, smiling as she grabs her coat from the hook on the wall. My coat is the only thing left hanging there - anything else we didn't want the tenants to disturb has been pushed into my room. "Ready to go?" she asks. 

"Wait a second," I say, turning to look down the familiar hallway. This is the last time I'll be in here for two years, maybe more. The only place I've ever called home, the only home I'll ever have. "It just feels so weird," I say quietly. "This isn't the place I'll be coming home to at the end of the day. No more... jumping onto the couch when I finish my homework. No more conversations while brushing our hair in the upstairs bathroom. No more..." I suck in a breath. "This was Dad's house. He bought it, he turned it into this amazing place we call home. I feel awful for leaving."

"You aren't leaving, sweetie," Mom says, sliding a hand onto my shoulder. "Your father knew you couldn't stay here forever. And the house will still be here when we get back. Maybe it needs a break from us, anyways."

I laugh slightly. "I'm really going to miss you, Mom," I say, turning to face her. She smiles at me sadly. 

"I'm so proud of you, Clarke," she replies softly. "For taking this step."

"It's not too late to stay," I say weakly. I feel like a five year old on her first day of school. Don't leave me here with all these strangers. I don't want to learn. I just want my mom. 

"It's not too late to come with me," Mom says, brushing a tear from my cheek. "Clarke Griffin, you don't need me. You're the strongest, bravest and most fearless person I know. You're getting an opportunity most teenagers would kill for. Two years away from your mom? This isn't a bad thing, Clarke. This is a chance for you to be a little reckless."

"You're going to regret telling me that," I joke, sniffing. She's right. I'm overthinking everything again - creating scenarios that won't happen and situations I'd never get into.