Once in a lifetime

You hold onto me

He sat on the edge of the bed seeing the empty space she had left, even on tour it didn't get easier. It seemed to ache more not having her around. Their picture on the night stand at home that he hadn't moved and missed seeing, the small box she left behind he had kept with him not knowing if he wanted to open it or not.

He eyed it, picking it up now. He had left it for weeks, before bed he would look at it. He had to be exhausted and barely walking to sleep at all or he would lay awake thinking about her.

They had started their tour with some of Asia before moving to America. It was smaller, less places but months away. Hoping it would be a distraction for him but it didn't ease any of his worry, wondering if she was ok, thinking about her constantly and missing Deiji as much as he did her.

The beautiful wooden box, wrapped with a lace. The lid had a snowflake carved into it, the blue velvet inside that lined it. Opening it up he saw two things she had left behind. He opened the first letter, it was addressed to her ex. That as time went past he became more curious as to what she had left behind.

Dearest Aiden,

I have written and started this letter over and over again. My biggest regret was leaving you without talking first. It didn't end the way we wanted or how I had ever imagined. 15 years of our lives ended so quickly, I have no regrets about those years but I am not the same person anymore and neither are you. I am not angry anymore, nor am I sad.

I have a new start and I am happy, I hope you find the same. I found someone I love, we are expecting. I wanted to be the one to tell you but I dont have the courage to yet, maybe one day you can meet her, my baby girl. I am sure our friends or families have told you by now. I have been told you are no longer with Kaia, I am sorry that didn't work out. I know how much you cared about her.

You dont have to worry about me. He treats me well, he thinks about me without me asking. He randomly brings me drinks and makes sure I dont worry too much, if I stress he makes me smile. He takes better care of me than I deserve, he even checks up on me and gets other staff to keep an eye on me. He doesn't know that I know yet.

I hope the last few months have made it easier for you. I am sorry I didn't reply to your messages. I forgive you for everything. I know you never meant it or to hurt me.

Be happy, Amara.

He felt it coming, it overwhelmed him. How he lost her just as Aiden had. How little Aiden deserved her forgiveness after having a prolonged affair on her, how excruciating it had been to get his messages. He had watched her sob around the corner as he hid himself once.

Unsure he wanted to read the second letter, in a pearl embossed envelope. He slowly opened it and unfolded it. Her beautiful writing that curl and curved.

My dearest Yoongi,

I can hear you playing the piano through your study, thank you for leaving the door open so I can hear it and sleep better. I have never told you and I don't know how, saranghae. Deiji will be here soon and I worry, that our peace will end and that we may too at some point. Perhaps you will find love with someone, I hope you will be happy even if it isn't with me. Deiji shouldn't be the reason you stay with me, she will always need you and I will never fault you for that or finding happiness.

Thank you for staying by me and making me feel better when I worried that first day, for making me feel comfort and caring for me. Bringing me drinks and making me smile through the last few months and checking up on me. Looking after me and worrying about me too when you work harder and sleep less. It was never a mistake was it? I am glad it was you.