Once in a lifetime

I know this doesn't happen twice

"Where were you this afternoon?" she looked up at him as he pressed his lips to her forehead. "There was someone I needed to see" she smiled as he looked at her.

"And before you ask it wasn't Aiden" she reassured him, he knew he wanted to hear it but he had known she wouldn't go without him as he went to freshen up before dinner. She was happy after leaving for the afternoon, as he watched her dance around the kitchen handing her a piece of folded paper.
"I wasn't going to ask" as she opened the folded note, on ivory paper.

Dear Amara,

I look for you...

I hate not having you to talk to. After a concert I saw a girl who could have been Deiji at her first concert, I wanted to tell you about her. How I probably wouldn't have let her go, she was with her parents. It made me realise that I would have gone with her, I thought of the things we would have done together.

How much I wanted her to be like you, to be so kind and caring, to protect those around you and even all my accomplishments don't compare to what I lost. Those achievements that without them may not have led me to you but without you, how much do they really mean. They are my achievements, my accomplishments but lately they are a hole that shows me what I had and lost. Your happiness may be more so without them, I hope you at least have that.

I need to stop looking for you, if that is at all possible. I got use to you, to sharing my life with you. When I finished a track, when I have something exciting to share or even something that reminded me of Deiji. How long it took me to realise, I'm use to you being around.

You had never been on tour with us but I wonder how different it would have been. The bed feels too big without you.

I never knew you would be the one.

Yoongi.

"Why are you giving me this?" she looked at him, she had read a few but she didn't pry until he wanted to share them.
"Soo- Ah" as she looked up at him, her face was expressionless "you want to walk away right now" as she pressed her lips together and he was right.
"You are right I don't want to talk about it" she looked at him.
"Then let me talk" she wanted to look away but his head tilted to the side as he looked like he was overthinking what he was going to say. He was cute in many moments, not on purpose but when he tried and even when words escaped him there was many more things she loved about him.

"I know I should have told you, I am sorry" as she nodded "I lost you once and I... that I will lose you again, everyday I... and this time I gave you a reason to doubt me and now if you see Aiden I will worry more. If you want to see Aiden" she wrapped her arms around him, her silence told him everything he needed to know in moments she was upset.

"Please talk to me Amara" she looked at him.
"The person I doubt most is me" she waited as he tried to piece it together "when you make me question like that, why you didn't tell me I wonder if it is me" she looked to him.
"No love. I promise it will never be you.. when I make a mistake, it is never you. You push me to better, you told me about Aiden and I should have told you about Soo-Ah when it happened. I should have told you I wanted you there and I should have shown you that it was nothing" she was happy but it hadn't stopped her from doubting herself.

"Do you want to see him?" she shook her head, she wasn't going to repeat what she said to Ji-Hoon knowing it would make him worry. She had seen the worry cross Ji-Hoon's face but he wouldn't betray her trust.
"I have everything I need with you" he smiled at her "but if you want to see Soo-Ah I will come with you" as he thought about what he should do or say to her.
"I think I want you to meet her" she was puzzled but she nodded.
"Why?" she looked at him with her big grey eyes, there was a surprise but also a worry.
"So you can see how different I am with you, how you bring out the best of me" she couldn't help but smile and he waited for it to sink in, she forgave him too easily at times knowing that it was something that hurt her.
"What is she like?" he looked at her unsure as her eyes wide, staring back at him with curiosity. How could the mother of his child manage to look like a curious 18 year old girl. How could she carry his child and doubt herself, if only she could see herself in his eyes like a mirror she would have seen more than just the words he could only say. That even what he did manage to say were not even close to how he felt or what she really meant in his life.