Once in a lifetime

Prologue

"Come on, hurry up we don't have much time" as she dragged him along the rows, she walked reading the names.. the dates, it had pained her to at times see them belonging to children. Always in the back of her mind was this place, where it pained her that her daughter wasn't next to her.

The few members ahead of them stop as she slowed down. Back from their honeymoon and a few weeks into the new album cycle as she sighed at him working during the honeymoon sometimes. She wanted to see Deiji, she wanted to tell her about the wedding and about how they were.

Not seeing her for over a month made her on edge but there had been so much happening that everyone had wanted to come see Deiji as well. 2 months she had counted, as they went on their day to day the many moments that Deiji popped up into her mind. Wondering if her hair would have been long enough now to put up into pigtails or how she would smile back at her, if her laugh would be cheeky or angelic. If she would be a dare devil like some of her uncles or created havoc like her aunts.

The time had flown past but she never forgot.

The cliff side wedding, a large tent built next to the rented mansion on a warm spring night. She had been spoilt, the floral glass chandeliers that hung from the tent of the rented house as she walked down the isle next to him.

She had never seen him smile so much, the way he tilted his head and smiled at times. The way he got embarrassed saying the vows during the sunset ceremony or only looking at her as they walked into the reception.

She only had one dress change between the ceremony and dinner, the last minute changes that were sprung on her. The not so simple wedding, she could tell it was costly but it was intimate like she wanted as she smiled at him.

Deiji taught us what love was, because of her I am by your side but because of you I will never leave your side. I wanted to give you a home, a place that means something to us.
She had smiled like an idiot, waterproof make up was the best idea that she couldn't stop thanking Jang-mi as he pulled out a wedding present that stopped her in her tracks, the rent mansion on top of a cliff that was stunning and the views was now theirs. Their home, as she decorated it with pictures of the wedding, of them and of Deiji.

Keeping the apartment as a studio she worked away keeping herself busy. Busy would help her get through the days, busy helped her know that Deiji would have a place in their home.

"Hi Deiji.. miss you. Hope you were there with us" simple and short as she eyed him.
"We miss you" they all piled in, Tae placed the flowers down as Namjoon took away the flowers she had placed last time.

"Deiji, mummy has something to tell you.. we may go away soon but we miss you so much. Your grandparents have promised the visit while we are away" the tour was looming and part of her was dreading it as well for many reason. She noted them wiping their eyes, her peripheral vision has caught all but him, as his arms wrapped around her.
"Deiji every day you are on my mind. Are you happy? I hope you are... I hope you danced alongside us at the wedding and enjoyed the sights of the honeymoon. Hanuel will be here soon and he or she will know so much about you, that they have a big sister. An angel to watch over them" her tears welled up with both happiness and sadness.

"What?" as he dropped his head into her hair.
"I took a test.. Hanuel is about 6 weeks today" as he spun her around, the world melted away. His gummy smile, curved eyes that disappeared when he was happy as he planted a kiss on her that lingered a little too long as she felt light headed when he let her go.

"Congrats you two" Hoseok, Namjoon and Jin were in unison beaming.
"Why didnt you tell me?" she smiled at him.
"I wanted Deiji to be the first.. to know that if she was here, even if she isn't.." as she breathed in, 8 weeks had been a long time "that she is important and that a sibling won't change that" as her pressed his lips to her forehead. She closed her eyes sighing.

"She has always been with us" as he looked at the angel sitting atop her headstone. This place wasn't glum to him, it was where his daughter was and those who kept her company so she wasn't alone. This place was a place he could visit to see her, to still have a piece of her here.
"Yoongi keeps a lock of her hair in his wallet" as she turned to Jungkook.
"Favourite uncle all right" as he winked at him with a smile.
"Hey" as she giggled at the protests.
"Wonder who the new favourite will be?" she smiled at him, his cheeky grin was on.
"Deiji can decide" she pulled a dandelion seed and threw it into the air, as it floated down it swayed and moved. Would Deiji have been just as graceful? The many unanswered questions she would have in this lifetime.

"Me" Hoseok was shocked.
"It's who she picked" she smiled as Yoongi nodded.
"Hmm godparent.." as she giggled.
"That we pick, a weed isn't going to decide that" he eyed her.
"It isnt a weed, it's a puffball children love.. Deiji would have loved it" she smiled at Hoseok who nodded her way.

"Let's go" we have to prepare for tonight, she reminded them. Pressing a kiss with her hand on Deiji, as the others did in her lead. As she walked away she knew her daughter would be beside her for however long it took till she got to hold her again.

**

He looked up to the VIP box smiling as the stadium erupted in a roar that soothed his soul. Everything was in place, the place he loved with the people he cared about and the most important who was safe and there with him. It was grueling to fit that many places in the little time they had and no part of him would have changed that. He would be there for Hanuel like he was for Deiji, she had read babies could see angels teasing him as she would wait for Hanuel to smile to know Deiji was with them. Perhaps it was a hope.

She watched him from the stage as it drew to a close, seeing him look up for her as she smiled to herself watching him, Jin nodded his head to the side towards her as she smiled. There was something about the way he looked at her this time. He turned to see her smiling at him and in that moment he reminded her of the Prince's in those fairytales she once told him she didn't believe in but even Cinderella didn't get her prince right away. He paused taking a breathe as his smile curved up only ever so slightly as his stare looked into her soul, the way he slowed looking at her as he twirled his ring and she couldn't help but melt in every single way possible as Ye-Jun has caught her when she stumbled back.

His hand had slightly reached out to her as she smiled at him, the many things he did for her that only she noticed. This look she had seen before, when she showed up at the end of that stage once or when he had found out about Deiji and Hanuel, the way he looked at her like she was everything.
"Make some noise" as she screamed from the side. She was nothing if not his in every way as he chuckled quickly glancing at her before looking back into the stadium, the smile that captivated him in a sea of thousands. A smile that would be there at the very end and when the lights turned off, when his hair was grey she would be the same person who drove him crazy, pushed him to his limits and who loved him to her core. That he knew, without a doubt he knew.

Even in a sea of thousands she could distract him, as Jin started to speak he turned to her looking at her up and down noting the small things about her each time. A change here and there, but she felt the same to him like home. This was the end of it as their finale in Seoul, as Hanuel grew and kicked he watched on being there for every moment as he promised. He couldn't explain how she made him feel while on tour, it was not the same as just having her but there was an ache for her to be near him all the time or a hunger when he was alone with her.

She watched him look at her with eyes that were soft but piercing, there was something that had moved her the way he looked at her as her heart skipped a beat. That he could still do that to her years later as she clung onto the bottom of her dress like she was a teenage girl again.

"Yoongi you should never look at me like that again" as he tilted his head.
"Like what?" as she held up her phone to a video that was posted of how he looked as she crumbled just seeing it again, he chuckled at it.
"This is how I look when I look at you?"
"Not always but this was not ok" as she pouted.
"Why?" he moved his face close to hers, her eyes widened as she pursed her lips. It made her look cheeky as he knew how to throw her off now.
"I... Yoongi" he saw the flush in her cheeks as he pressed his lips to hers.

That was the little part she got to hold onto, to begin to heal had been a journey and if she was being honest hers had barely begun. Her love was barely beginning, it started with Deiji and it was growing.

Love doesn't end when someone is gone, it finds a new way to love.