Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder

6

I've been meaning to write in here again for ages, but I just keep forgetting - I'm hopeless, man.

But anyway, recently, I've concluded why I might develop crushes easily. Like, it's complicated, because there is sort of this guy that I've liked for almost 3 years now (He's in the opposite half of the year to me and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a freak anyway) yet we've never even properly spoken. But strangely, that's the point, that's where my MDD becomes the main factor. If you refer back to the beginning in entry 1, I state there that my "crush isn't exactly a crush", and yes I am still talking about the same guy.

The thing is, I think if I see someone I find attractive (this is gonna sound awful), I judge them by that first. I could have never spoken to them, ever, and yet I'd immediately wonder what they're like and it's my Maladaptive Daydreaming's job to build all these ideas and create a personality based around that person. It's so hard to explain, I don't even know if I can properly explain, but because MDD includes "creating your own characters in your head", that's basically what I do but it's based around people that I see and think "hey, he's cute"... That makes me sound like such a shitty person, I know, almost as if I judge people on their looks but I promise, I don't, I'm not like that out of choice, and I don't do it with everyone. In the past I've daydreamed about people I've had regular conversations with, too.

I used to daydream about a band member, but the really weird thing is that I stopped daydreaming about him once I'd met him? I don't know why, I would've thought after meeting him, talking to him and hugging him, it would've given me more ideas of what to build a complex daydream from next?

Summary: I see someone attractive, make up my own ideas of what I think their personality might be like and then, get attached. To someone I have, most likely, never spoken to.

My brain is so fucked up.