Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder

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I think I've mentioned this before, but it's so weird how one minute it can make you so so happy, having a little imaginary world that only you know about. The next, you feel lower than low, and you think you're absolutely done, that you can't carry on. The question is, how do thoughts do this to us? The brain is so brilliant but it can do damaging things to us all the same. It's horrible.

But I like it.

My daydreams are usually really vivid, but it depends on how I feel. If I'm really tired it will probably a calm, laid back daydream that's easy to act out. If I can't sleep it's more likely to be dramatic, darker and even more emotionally destructing than they already can be. So, actually, it is a lie when they say "maladaptive daydreamers only dream about things they'd like to happen". Do you think I'd like to end up in hospital due to over 10 different circumstances in real life? No, me neither. It's difficult. I can't control it. I wish I could, but sometimes I think it would be impossible to have a condition, or a "disorder", that is so boring that I only dream about good things.

Look, I'm probably not making sense and keep contradicting myself. I probably said before, that having MDD means you daydream about things you wish could happen, but I guess that's not entirely true. Mainly true, but not entirely. I think your mood reflects what you daydream about. Almost like a lucid dream - where you know the base of what you want to dream about, the bottom storyline, but it's up to your mind to imagine where to take it next.