Misery || Harry Potter's Twin Brother

Chapter Twenty Two

Sirius was regretting everything. He had never felt so panicked before. His hands gripped his hair painfully as he sat knees up to his chest, gasping for breath as he felt like he was drowning. All the air had lost his lungs and he couldn't get it back. He had his eyes shut tight, but that didn't stop the tears from falling. He could hear someone saying his name despite the ringing in his ears that made any sound he heard sound like it was shouted to him from the bottle of a barrel. He was truly convinced he was about to die.

"Sirius!" It was his name being called, he was sure it was his name, so why did it feel so wrong? "I need you to breathe."

He knew that voice, he loved that voice, so why did it sound so wrong? Why was everything so wrong?

"Breathe for me love please." Something was holding his shoulders, the hands were gentle, caring, but felt wrong. Felt like a vice against his skin, like a an oppression. It got harder to breathe. "Please Sirius, I need you to breathe."

Hands carded through his hair. It felt right. "Please Sirius." He fought for breathe, taking a large gulp of air. "That's it, again, please." He did it again.

Slowly his breathing became regular once again and moved his hands from his hair, opening his eyes to find himself in Cedric's arms. Cedric kissed his forehead, holding him tightly. It felt right. "You're okay, you're okay." Cedric murmured into his ear, he didn't let go for a second.

"You're... you're okay." Sirius breathed into his shoulder.

"Of course I am. Of course." Cedric replied. "Everything's okay."

"I just..." Sirius stopped himself almost immediately. "I'm so scared."

"I know." Cedric tightened his hold on his boyfriend. "I know."

"Everything's changing and it's getting harder and I don't want to fight for you know who." Sirius rambled, barely taking a breath. "I don't want to kill people, I don't want to fight against my brother, I don't want to-" he paused. "I don't know what to do."

"That's okay, you're under so much pressure, everyone is expecting something from you, you're being pulled in a lot of directions Sirius." Cedric paused. "At the end of the day, you have to do what's right for you, but at the end of the day I will always be here for you." 

"Thank you." Sirius muttered he raised his head from Cedric's shoulder. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Sirius, you couldn't hurt a fly let alone me." Cedric pointed out with a smile. "We'll get through this, and we'll do that together."

"I don't deserve you." Sirius' eyes filled with tears.

"Sirius, you deserve the world." Cedric kissed his head. "I'm so lucky I met you." 

^^^
"Why is this so difficult?" Sirius asked aloud as he dragged a brush through his messy hair. "Hannah how do you do this every day?"

He was stood in front of the mirror in his dorm, not that he slept there anymore, but he still considered it his. Hannah was sat on his bed, applying makeup. Her dress was a gorgeous teal colour with lace sleeves and a satin skirt that was only kept of the floor by the fact that she was wearing heels. He'd never seen her like that and stumbled over his words as he tried to find the right ones to let his friend know how gorgeous she was. He'd also never seen her with makeup before, but she'd threatened to do his eyeliner when he questioned in so he immediately left the fact alone.

"Maybe you should brush it more often." She shot back, throwing the pot of hair gel at him when he asked for it.

"Well there's no need to be rude." Sirius gasped as he arranged his hair as neatly as he could.

"Come here." Justin finished tying his own bowtie and got to work on tying Sirius'. He was the only one who had figured out how to do it, and had tasked himself with helping his friends do their own.

"Wow, now there's three beautiful people." Ernie exclaimed as he exited the bathroom. "You scrub up nicely."

"Charming Ern." Justin rolled his eyes as he finished tying Sirius' bowtie and dusted invisible dirt from the shoulders of his dress robes.

"Sirius there's no need to look so nervous, you'll be dancing with Cedric, you'll have so much fun." Ernie comforted him.

"I know, I know, I just don't want to mess up in front of everyone." Sirius admitted.

"You won't, you're going to have so much fun." Hannah added. "Besides you look handsome, if they're staring it'd because they either want to be you or be with you."

"Thanks guys." Sirius laughed nervously. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd be miserable." Hannah replied straight away, "but then again so would we." She added with a smile.

"Saps, the lot of you." Ernie shook his head, pulling them all into a hug. "My gorgeous friends."

"Who's sappy now." Justin shot back. "Come on, we'd better get going."

Sitius hung back as his friends headed to the door, Hannah pausing as she reached it. "Are you coming?"

"I'll be one minute." He replied with a weak smile. Cedric had given him something to wear at the ball, he had wrapped it in tissue paper and Sirius had been waiting until he was alone to open it.

Barely tearing the tissue, Sirius unwrapped his gift with shaky fingers. He ended up with a ring and a note.

Sirius,
I am with you always
Cedric.

The ring, it was decorated with the diggory family crest and held that promise. That Cedric was with him always. He smiled and put it onto his left index finger. It would have also fitted onto his ring finger but he didnt want to give Reeter Skeeter any ideas. She was already going to have a field day.

Putting the note firmly in the front page of Ollie's copy of the tales of beedle the bard for safe keeping, Sirius found the courage to head down to the great hall.