Savior

Chapter thirty three: Acceptance

My head is pounding right now.
I rub my eyes sitting up in my bed, alone.

I thought he would stay but I guess not.

I hear a small knock on the door and before I say anything Pepper walks in.

Her cheeks slightly flushed and the bags under her eyes darker than usual.

"Hey sweetheart, how are you feeling?" She stands awkwardly by the door not fully walking in.

I half smile at her, "I'm fine Pep."

"No your not..."

"I don't want to talk about it," I say ashamed of what went down last night, of course she knew.

I lay back down and turn over to face the wall in bed.

She sighs audibly and shuts the door behind her.

I know she's just worried about me, why do I treat her like that?

I let myself cry again as the ghosts of self loathing run through my head again. The pillow case is practically soaked under my face.
My hair is still damp, I expected it to smell like wet dog but instead it smelled like sweet coconut and lavender shampoo.

I remember being with Loki last night.

Although I couldn't remember what he said or how I feel asleep but I do remember him holding me.

Like a fragile flower, washing my hair with warm water and putting me into bed. He covered me with the warm fur blanket I am griping in my hands right now, wiping my tears with it.

I felt the bed dip behind me.

"Loki..." I smile weakly and turn to face him still laying down.

"Hello darling." He strokes the top of my head.

I probably look disgusting right now.

"You look fine Y/N," he whispers reassuring me.

I'm sorry.

"What could you possibly be sorry for?" He says furrowing his brows and turning his body to face me more directly.

I'm sorry you had to see me like this.

His face fell and he pulled his hand back onto his lap.

Are you angry with me?

"No. I'm not angry with you Y/N. Why would you think that?"

I'm here with all these people who seem to care about me and there I am being ungrateful and pathetic.

I hold back tears and he says, "your not pathetic love. It doesn't matter how many people care about you this this... pain overcame you. I understand."

I shut my eyes hard, breathing in sharply and finally speaking outside my mind shakily.

"I'm not doing to good."

He immediately pulls me up into a seated position and hugs me, holding my head into the crevice of his neck.

"I know darling..."

I sniffled in an attempt to catch my breath as I pulled away to look him in the eyes.

"I though you left me." I faint blush rose onto my cheeks.