Largely Submissive

Chapter 28

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Cameron's POV

10/10

Master Gavin said that since he was gone for these couple of days for work I should try and write in the journal more. I said I would do my best so here we are.

I don't know what I'm supposed to be writing but I'll give this a try. It's been about two weeks since Master Gavin and I got together. How should I call him in here... Master? Sir? Master Gavin? Gavin? I'm not sure. I'll come back to that, maybe. I've been sleeping a bit better lately. Not these last couple of days though. Since Master has been on a trip for work... I don't seem to sleep well with him gone. I've never slept as comfortably with anyone like I do with him...

James... I shouldn't talk about that. Or maybe I should. I was told to write about my feelings in here. James was never nice to me. And it took way too long for me to figure that out. Everything about being with him was unhealthy. I couldn't blame all of it on him either. I could've left. Or done something. I just... took it. Weak. No, I didn't want to be alone. Maybe being with someone who barely even liked me was better than being alone.... again.

Ever since dad died that's all I've seemed to do. Be alone. Maybe I was meant to be alone. I haven't really had that many friends, none that stuck anyway. No one wants to be friends with the freak child of a freak mom. Any friends I made ran the other way when they met my mom. Either by their choice or their own parents choice. I don't... I can't even hate my mom. She loves me. Somewhere inside her I know she does. She's told me before.  We have some good memories. Many.... not so good. I don't want to talk about this.

That one submissive that comes to the club, Thomas, always talks to me. I don't know what to say or do around him. What do friends talk about. How do you even know you're friends? He gave me his number and has texted me a couple times so far. I've answered what I can, not that he seems to mind what I say. He's a talker. I guess I could say he's the first friend I've had. Though he doesn't really know much about me so... we'll see about that. Master Gavin is maybe my friend, but he's my Dom so I don't really know how that works either. This is giving me a headache. My only friend is Roberto and I am okay with that.

I got Roberto a couple years ago. Rescued him from some neighbors that were moving. They were just going to put him outside and hope for the best. I don't understand people like that. How they think a living thing is just expendable. I'm glad I found him. Best kitty ever.. 

=^.^= bye

10/11

I need to eat soon but that sounds like a lot of work. Sometimes I hate eating. Not because I don't deserve it or whatever but just the act of making and eating food is exhausting. Food can get boring sometimes too. I don't understand why we need it. I mean. I do. But still. Overrated.

Goodbyes are overrated too.

10/12

Master should be back in a couple days. Very excited for that.... Um don't tell him I said that though. I've been going to work but it's not the same without him popping up every once in a while. Master Graham spoke to me today about Thomas. I don't know why he thought I would know anything.

Yeah...

10/13

Why does human life exist? I think about that sometimes. Going to work. Going home. Eating. Going to sleep. Doing it all over again the next day. Kind of mundane.. a waste of time honestly. I spoke to Master on the phone today. He said he might be running later than planned. A couple more days. I'm not totally sure about what he does for work but it sounds important. Something to do with books and editing and authors....? He's very smart I can tell. I miss him.

So... okay I'm done.

10/15

I forgot to write yesterday. Oops. Didn't have much to say. I had the day off so I did some cleaning and lounged around. Bear was happy for the company. Granny stopped by for some tea, it was nice chatting with her. She was glad to hear Gavin and I were still together. She definitely said some inappropriate things about him. That woman swears like a sailor. I respect and fear her. She likes Gavin though, as basically the only family I have left I'm secretly glad she approves. Even though she does it so... grossly. Lol bye

10/16

I'm tired. I don't want to write today. My hand hurts.

10/17

Today I got kicked in the leg by a minor because I wouldn't let him into the club. Honestly, it hurt. I think it might bruise. Gavin should be home soon. I miss him.

Yeah... Done.

10/17

24 hours he said. Very exciting. I wonder if it's bad that I'm this attached to him. Maybe I should work on that. I'm not sure it's normal. Though I have no idea what normal even is. I've never had a normal day in my entire life. Maybe the day I was born but knowing my luck.. probably not.

Okay bye.

10/18

He's coming home today. It's been a full week. A full week too long if you ask me. I got the apartment ready just in case he wants to visit. I don't want him to feel obligated to. I do miss him. So does Bear. He has taken a liking to him. Bear has good taste in men clearly.

Master just called. He wants to have dinner with me when he gets back. Dinner. With me. I gotta go then. I have to go make something. I wonder what he would want... 

Um bye? Some day I'll figure out what to say when I'm done.

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Just a look into Cameron's mind. And his journal. I kind of enjoyed writing his musings. Cameron's got an interesting brain.

Sorry I've been kind of MIA lately. School kicked me in the ass and made all my exams and things due all in the same week. Very overwhelmed. Burnt me out a little bit. But I'm doing my best and I'm working on some things. Hopefully I'll have news sometimes soon about that.

As always let me know what you think!