One Sided Love

Chapter 41

Casey's Pov

Vile

I am vile and disgusting.

My only hope is getting out of here.

Maybe they will find me.

Regardless, the only thing I have left is my escape and I can only hope that I will get away.

What he did...

What we did...

I just, I didn't want to touch him and I sure as hell am not letting him touch me. This was the best option, right?

It was the best one, right?

Right?!

Fuck! Did I choose wrong?

It was worse, so much worse.

He touched me anyway.

I hated it. I don't like it. I hate that my body responded like that. He loved it. He loves the power and control.

I wanted to cry so bad, I'm so tired of crying, tired of being the weak, pathetic thing I keep being with him.

But I can't cry. I can't protest. I can't say no. If I do, he'll hurt me again.

He used my body against me.

I am worthless.

Feel so dirty.

I feel like a huge weight was put on my shoulders.

Feeling guilty, dirty, knowing I let him-I chose- I let him make me...feel...like that. Knowing he'll forever get off on knowing he could and did make me feel like that.

I feel like a whore, a worthless slut for letting him-for not fighting. I feel like a dirty slapper for allowing myself to feel... good...because, it did.

I make myself sick.

Even now I lie against him, cuddling up to his heavy breathing form. His arm constricted around me and the other still inside my pants. His thumb is moving, I swear it, just extremely slowly and softly.

He'll never let me go.

"I love you babydoll, I love you so much Casey" he makes my skin crawl as he kisses my head and removes his hand. I burrow my face in the crook of his neck just so I don't have to look at him.

"Are you tired, sweet Casey?" I nod. I want him away from me "I'll take you to bed" he picks me up and carries me to the bed.

He carefully places me under the covers on my stomach, laying a kiss on my forehead as I pretend to go to sleep "I'll wake you when dinners ready" he states.

He waits a second before leaving.

The second he's gone I run to the bathroom. I can't hold it any longer.

I throw up in the toilet.

I was sick because of myself.

I was throwing up nothing but still heaving.

I want to drink bleach from kissing him back.

I feel so unclean.

It was better than having to touch him or letting him touch me in that way but it was also worse.

So much worse.

I just need this to end.

He's gotten what he wanted now. He thinks I've given in. Is he happy now?