platonic crush // dwt

XIII

ʀᴇʟɪᴇғ (ɴ) -ᴀ ғᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ ᴏғ ʀᴇᴀssᴜʀᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇʟᴀxᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡɪɴɢ ʀᴇʟᴇᴀsᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴀɴxɪᴇᴛʏ ᴏʀ ᴅɪsᴛʀᴇss

Trigger warnings:
-talk of being drugged

Vote!

-Ava POV-

"What the fuck??"

"I don't know.. She said she wanted to talk to you," Clay responded, "I'm really sorry, you don't have to go, I can tell her to leave, I'm sure she would-" He got cut off.

"I'll go talk to her, it's okay."

"You sure?" he replied.

"...Yeah."

I tentatively got up and walked towards the door, barely aware of my shaking hands.

Taking a deep breath and straightening my back to appear confident, I turned the corner to my door.

"Aera, why the fuck are you at my house."

I was cut off by her arms wrapping around me.

"What the fuck???" I said as I pushed her off.

"Sorry, sorry I shouldn't have done that I shouldn't have done that I'm sorry-"

"What the fuck do you want???"

"I wanted to say uh- I'm sorry.."

I searched her face for any sign of sarcasm, but could find none. It was a blank slate- a clear set look of truthfulness. I was surprised to say the least. Still, I was wary of her saying or doing something stupid, so I kept my guard up.

"What?" was all I could muster.

"I'm sorry. I know I fucked up."

"Yeah, you did."

I was holding back the urge to cry.

Aera sighed.

"Look, I can fix this-"

"Can you???? Can you fix this?? You fucking left me, DRUGGED, at a huge house party. And didn't even try to contact me or ask me if I was okay after you undoubtedly figured out what happened."

I cleared my throat.

"And then you- you posted on snap, which you have like thousands of friends on, that I told you it was consensual. You fucking knew it wasn't."

My breath hitched.
Aera stayed silent.
I hated it.

Fucking speak up
Say something
Just fucking say something

"Fuck you." I said through my teeth.

My voice was wavering.

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I thought Lauren could drive you home, and obviously I didn't know Tyler was gonna do that to you."

"But you didn't think of telling me that you were leaving, right? You didn't think of checking in on me? And the first thing you do is try to cover up for Tyler on your snap story. Does that sound like you didn't mean for any of this to happen? You completely ignored and invalidated me. And now you come back asking for forgiveness. Bullshit. BULLSHIT. Fuck you."

A tear ran down Aera's face.

"Ava please..."

"No. Why the hell are you crying? I trusted you! I trusted you, and you broke that trust. Why are you crying?"

"Because I don't want you to hate me, and I'm really really sorry.."

My throat burned from refusing to cry.

"Get out."

"No, Ava, please, I just want to make things better between us, I don't want things to end on this note and-"

"I said get out." I grabbed the door, and waited until Aera turned around before slamming it.

My hand stayed on the wood for a few seconds before dropping.

I sunk to the floor, face crumpling and tears flowing.

I bit my lip to try and keep from making noise, but failed.

I saw Clay sit in front of me.

I didn't acknowledge him, I couldn't.

He took one hand and put it behind my head, and the other held my cheek.

I looked at him. His face was laced with worry.

"Hi," I finally said with a shaky smile, sobs escaping my mouth.

"Hi," he responded.

"Sorry." I said.

"Come on, don't be sorry..."
He put his arms around my torso and pulled me in. I buried my face in his shoulder, tears already soaking his hoodie.
"Don't be sorry."

"I'm so tired of this bullshit," my voice was muffled.

"I know, I know."

"So you saw the-" he started.
"Yeah I saw the story."
"Oh."

I was squeezing his hoodie, and my face was buried in his shoulder. His hand was still grasping the back of my head, but his other hand had moved to combing through my hair.

We both sat in silence on the cold floor, my body shaking and his hand rubbing my back.

"Ask me why my heart's inside my throat..."

His chest vibrated as he softly sang a song.

"I've never been in love, I've been alone
Feel like I've been living life asleep
Love so strong it makes me feel so weak"

I relaxed against his body as he sang.

"Are you lonely?
Our fingers dancing when they meet
You seem so lonely
I'll be the only dream you seek
So if you're lonely, no need to show me
If you're lonely come be lonely with me"

He paused for a minute to readjust himself, and continued stroking my hair.

"Lonely...
Passion is crashing as we speak
You seem so lonely
You're the ground my feet won't reach
So if you're lonely, darling you're glowing
If you're lonely come be lonely with me..."

"I love you," I whispered

Shit.

Why the fuck did I just say that
What the hell is wrong with me

I wasn't even thinking about what I was saying, I just... blurted it out.

The room got even more quiet, if that were even possible.

I was tense against Clay's chest, and noticed he was holding his breath.

"Um."

My face dropped as I basically accepted the fact that I fucked everything up. Again.

"I love you too, Ava."

I pulled away and looked at him. "What are we then?"

There was a pause. "Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

I smiled. "Yeah. Yes. I would love to be your girlfriend."

I had forgotten about Aera, miraculously.

I was happy.
Really, genuinely happy.

the feeling wouldn't last for long.

Word count: 1029

YALL I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING I HONESTLY JUST HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO WRITE BUT I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND IVE GOT SOME RLY GOOD CHAPTERS COMING UP

thanks for bearing with me :)