platonic crush // dwt

III

Wʜᴇʟᴠᴇ (ᴠ) -ᴛᴏ ʙᴜʀʏ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴅᴇᴇᴘ; ᴛᴏ ʜɪᴅᴇ

Trigger warnings:
-panic attack
-non-consensual things

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Finding myself at the door of my apartment building I walked into the lobby and stumbled to my elevator.

I got to my front door, walked in, and lay down on my bed.

My breath hitched as my eyes filled up with tears and streamed steadily down my cheeks. My surroundings were still blurry and seemed far away, since I guess the effects of whatever I took hadn't worn off yet. The lump in my throat grew. I started to shake violently, and I struggled to breathe.

What the fuck just happened?

I sat up, my sobs taken over my body, and tried to take a deep breath. I took out my phone and tried Clay again.

—Clay's POV—

I was laying in bed, scrolling through Twitter when I got the call from Ava. I cleared my throat and brought the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?"

—Ava's POV—

"I don't know w-what to do..." I managed to blurt out.

"What's going on??"

I heard a rustle as he sat up.

"Fuck I don't even know," I babbled.

"Okay Ava, okay. You're at home, yeah?"
"Yes."
"Alright," he said reassuringly, "you're okay. Take some deep breaths with me."
He breathed deep in and out, and I followed.

"Fuck it was not a good idea to- to go to that party" I sobbed.

"Hey, I'll come over. I'll be 15 minutes."
"Okay," I murmured.

"Do you want me to stay on call while I come over?"
"No."

My whole body was shaking, and could barely keep the phone up to my ear.
I was grateful he hung up.

I had gathered myself by the time I heard a knock on the door.

I stumbled up and opened it.
His eyes were soft, brows furrowed in concern.

He tried to hug me, but pulled back when I flinched.
His worry turned into confusion as he walked in my apartment, taking in the surroundings.

I tried to walk towards my room, but couldn't support myself and my knees buckled.
Clay's arms grasped my waist before I reached the floor, and held me up.
"What the fuck happened??" He asked urgently.

My face melted into sobs again, and he led me over to my bed.
"Okay, okay. Just sit down and we can talk about it, alright?"
I sat on my bed and put my head in my hands.
He put his hand on my back, and again, I flinched.
"Don't touch me." I said, my speech muffled by my hands.

He removed his hand and put it in his lap.

I looked upwards, hands falling onto my legs.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," I apologized with a sigh.
"Don't worry about it," he replied quietly, "What... happened?"

"Can we not do this right now? I kinda need to process. I just needed someone here."

"Of course."

"Thank you for being here," I whispered.
"There's no way in hell I wouldn't have come over after hearing you on that phone call. I'm sorry it took so long for me to arrive."

I glanced down at his lips.

"You're so fucking hot," I murmured.
"What?"
I pushed myself closer to him, and brushed his hair out of his face.
"Ava, do you really think this is the best time for this-"

"Yes," I replied.
I put my hand on his chin and started sucking a spot on his neck.
"Ava..."

I took that as a sign to be more aggressive.
I slid my hands under his shirt, feeling his abs.
I heard a groan escape his mouth.
I smiled against his neck, hand now exploring further down his stomach.
"Ava, we can't."

I was gently pushed off, and I looked at his face in confusion.
He was looking away, cheeks red.
"But I thought you wanted this.."

"I- look Ava, this isn't the time. I'm sorry. This... I don't know what this is, but I do know that you're not in the right headspace. I'm not letting you do this to yourself and then regret it."

I was so confused, I thought he was into me?
"Oh," I replied.

He sighed, "Look, let's just forget about this, okay?" he stood up and walked towards my door. "If you need anything, I'm a call away. Take care of yourself. Love you."
He smiled quickly before opening the door and walking out.

I stayed on my bed confused as hell.
What the fuck just happened? Why did I think I even wanted to have sex with him? I know I don't want that, I just got fucking raped.

I walked into my bathroom and looked at myself. I saw the bruise on my neck, and tears gathered in my eyes.

Seriously what the fuck is this night.

A/N
WORD COUNT 978

So just quickly, obviously what happened this chapter between Ava and clay was NOT okay. She was trying to do shit with him after he said no- the reason why I wrote this is because if someone goes through sexual trauma like Ava did, they will sometimes seek out more sex than they did before to try to cope. Especially with how recently it happened to Ava, that Clay was the first person she talked to after the incident, and she was fucked up on drugs, it's not surprising that she tried to do sumn with him. Definitely not okay on her part though. Not an excuse, an explanation. :)