platonic crush // dwt

VIII

Exᴜʟᴀɴsɪs (ɴ) -ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴇɴᴅᴇɴᴄʏ ᴛᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴀʟᴋ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴀɴ ᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴇɴᴄᴇ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴜɴᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴛᴏ ɪᴛ

Trigger warnings:
-talk of self harm
-talk of rape

Disclaimer‼️‼️‼️
Clay will be talking about his past struggles with mental health.
I am in no way assuming that he irl has dealt with these things. It's just for the storyline

Remember to vote <3

We walked the rest of the way, my brain still flooded by everything that had happened the past few days.
I just wanted to disappear, to not have to put my energy into something so draining and helpless.

We finally reached the main door of my apartment, and without a word, Clay followed me in.
We went up to my floor and walked through the hallway.

When we reached my door, I pulled my hand out of his to unlock it, and turned around to look at him.
"Can I stay for a bit?" He asked.
"Sure."
I was secretly hoping he'd ask.
"Ok cool thanks"

I let him go in first, and followed close behind, closing the door behind me.

"Sorry it's a mess"
"It's okay, mines a mess all the time too" he said, "us professional YouTubers can't waste our time cleaning."

I smiled, and we walked to my room.

I opened my phone to Twitter, since I hadn't really interacted with my fans for a few days.

"Probably some new content soon! Stay tuned."

I posted, waited for a couple minutes, then checked the comments.

@juliehayes: FUCKING FINALMY TY AVA <3

@user36274: what else are you busy with💀  isn't your career being a youtuber?
     >@dreamteamsimp: fkn antis istg😭

I then got a notification at the same time Clay did, and I looked over his shoulder.
"It's the group chat, Wilbur messaged," he told me.

"Oh okay."

I opened up the group chat to see everyone active.

              BIG MEN (and two women)

Wil: hey Ava, I haven't
really seen you active on
Twitter or on the smp, you good?

Tomathy: yeah, I wanted to do a
lore stream w/ u, but you haven't
been responding to my texts

                                      Shit mb. I'm okay, just been busy
w/ school and shi yk

Clay looked over at me.

I tried to smile, but my lip quivered.

God why the hell am I so fucking sensitive?

Clay sighed.
"Ava, I saw your arm."

"...what?"

"I saw the cuts."

No no no no no no no

"What cuts?"

He looked at me, and I looked down.

"Okay look, I need you to promise you're gonna try to stop, okay? Trust me, I've been there. Like 5 years ago, I had depression, I was acting out all the time, lost all my friends, and had no one to turn to except Nick. So I cut. Because that was the only stable thing I could control in my life. Hell, I couldn't even control my own body; I couldn't get out of bed, couldn't eat consistently, couldn't train my body to have a decent sleep schedule. So I promise you, I understand. I really do. And I also know that since going to therapy, working on myself and quitting self harm, I've been so much happier. I know that you're not in a great place right now, for obvious reasons, and I want to help, so please try at least?"

My heart ached from hearing that. He'd mentioned that his teen years weren't great, but he never went into detail. I felt awful, but I was fine. I was okay. I didn't need help.

"There's nothing wrong."

"Ava, please."

"Ok."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

He looked back at my arm, "is there a reason?"

"I guess so?"

"Do you feel comfortable telling me?"

I swallowed.
"The party."

"What about it?" Clay pushed.

I didn't respond.

"What happened at the party?"

I pulled my hands back and squeezed the ends of my sleeves nervously.

I became aware of the fact that my lips were bleeding from me chewing on them nervously.

I took a deep breath.

"Okay, I know it's really fucking stupid, but basically I was about to play a drinking game, but I'm pretty sure someone slipped something in my drink, and I started feeling really shitty so I went outside, and then Tyler brought me upstairs, and we went in a room, but then he locked the door and..."

I was holding in a sob, desperately trying to finish my sentence.

"It's okay, continue. It's not stupid."

Clay reached his arm over to me and pulled me beside him, my head leaning over to rest on his chest.

I felt his breathing and hands as they ran through my hair, and I calmed down.

"Um... he pushed me down which was pointless anyways 'cause I could barely move by then, and uh. You know. Fuck I don't even know. I shouldn't have left my drink alone."

"I'm gonna beat this guy up," Clay said, "Oh my god. Holy fuck we need to tell the police."

"The police never do shit about rape cases. There's no point."

"Fuck. Just- this isn't your fault. It's not your fault."

I was leaning my full body on Clay's, practically in his lap.

One of his hands was resting on my shoulder, and one was playing with my hair.

"I don't know what to do, Clay."

"I know. I don't either."

A/N: 903 words
Thanks for reading this lmao