stumbling into line (sidemen ff)

Chapter 11: 'Some may call it autism, his friends call it typical Vikk'

Simon was relieved.  Josh was surprised.  Ethan didn't know how to feel.

Simon and Ethan hadn't spent much time together since Adriana got there and they were in much need of a cuddle and it just so happened that Josh decided to walk into Simon's room when said cuddling was happening.

Simon looked liked he'd just seen a ghost as Ethan tried to pull the bed covers over his face in a weak attempt to hide his identity.  Josh stood there awkwardly for a couple minutes before backing away slowly and claiming that whatever he wanted could wait.

Ethan ran a hand over his face and lays back against the head board.  His mind is running a mile a minute and he struggles to calm his breathing.

"That did not just happen." He says as Simon lays down next to him, staring at the ceiling.  Simon shakes his head and turns on his side, staring up at Ethan and all his distinct features.  His round nose, the little laughter lines next to his eyes and his eyes, that somehow manage to be open but closed at the same time.

"This is getting too much, Ethan.  I can't handle hiding any longer."

Ethan doesn't answer, he just stares at the wall across from the bed.  The faint lights from Simon's computer are slightly distracting in the dimming room and they remind Ethan of stars.  Stars that remind him of life.  When a star dies, it explodes and creates quite a big commotion but no human knows anything about it for days or even years.  Just like life, sometimes it takes a while to notice a big change, whether it's around you or in your self.  This current realisation that Ethan is in the midst of is inside himself and it's a shift, like two tectonic plates shifting and scraping together in the middle of the sea, creating a ripple effect that will carry on and on until it reaches land and devastates it.  Injuring many.  Ethan's ready.  He knows that a lot of people won't like him for who he really is but in that moment, he realises that he doesn't care and that those people don't matter, because he has his friends and his family that will accept him and support him no matter what.

"Okay." Is all he says before he stands and walks out of the room.  He fixes his hair on the way to the kitchen and when he walks in he is met with Josh, Vikk, Freya, Harry, Cal, Lewis and Tobi sat around the island, talking and eating. 

"I'm gay.  Simon's my boyfriend." He says and turns quickly around but is met by Simon's face above him.  He curses himself for not planning a better and less likely escape route, one that wouldn't involve oncoming traffic in the form of his boyfriend, who, not surprisingly, turns him by his shoulders and gently nudges him forward and back into the daunting abyss that is the kitchen.  It's then that he, yet again, curses himself on why he hadn't expected this and fully thought this through before he blurted his confession out and risked his whole social life, which, nowadays, is the most important thing a teenager has.  This thought makes Ethan forget, only momentarily, the amount of trouble he got himself into as he remembers that he turns twenty in exactly one month and one week.  He's been counting for the last six months.  He's brought back by the sound of hands slapping against each other.  He looks to the source and sees Cal clapping, a massive smile, that resembles a shark, on his face.

The support from the one friend, who already knew, instantly makes Ethan feel better and he smiles as the weeks, months, probably, if they were to count it, of relentless reassurance from Simon that their friends would be okay with their hidden, sinful relationship came flooding into his mind and he realises that the dark abyss he was nudged into had a pool of deep, refreshing water at the bottom.  His smile grows bigger when he notices Freya smiling too.

"Woooo!  Ethan has balls!" Cal shouts, his smile curved up even more to give a smug look.

"Fuck off, Squeezy." Ethan mutters, expecting his voice to be shaky and unsure but it isn't and in fact is louder and more confident than he ever thought possible.  His words cause everyone in the room to laugh as Freya leans into Josh, her eyes are puffy and red.  A look that has been more common than not with Freya lately.  It didn't seem to bother anyone, on the outside, that Freya was undoubtedly crying every time they saw her and just assumed it was her time of the month, something that was never discussed, or a problem that they trusted she was working out and if she needed them, she would ask.  But then again, Freya was notorious for keeping to herself, by herself, her, Josh and Tobi, and probably would not ask for anyone else's help.

"It makes a lot of sense." Vikk announces, seeing the logical side, as always.  His mind forever strategising every thing around him in an attempt to understand the world.  It's like a side of him that struggles to keep up with the complicated, fast pace that life travels at and to compensate he watches and learns how things work so he can pin point why people do this and why people do that.  Some may call it autism, his friends call it typical Vikk.  The-undiagnosed-autistic-guy-that-is-very-good-at-hiding-his-real-thoughts is often thought to be a suiting nickname for the small Indian teen.

Simons steps forward, a smug yet proud smile gracing his lips, and he grabs Ethan's hand, immediately intertwining their fingers. 

"I'm proud of you guys." Josh tells them, standing up and striding over and enveloping them both in a hug, "And now I guess you know why he punched you, Cal."

Everyone laughs at how much sense all of Simon and Ethan's recent behaviour now makes sense.

"Oh, I found out ages ago.  I knew Emon was real before it was cool."

Ethan laughs, along with everyone else except for Simon, who relishes in the fact that Ethan is okay and not shaking or hiding and all his suspicions of, most of, their friends accepting them prove Ethan wrong.  He feels overwhelmed by love.  Love that's being radiated from their friends acceptance and Simon wants nothing more than to pass it on to Ethan.  To pin him against the nearest wall and kiss every part of him, twice.

He loves Ethan, probably more than he lets on.  And he doesn't think he will ever stop loving him.  He doesn't want to either.

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I am so proud of this chapter and I don't know why!!!  I most enjoyed writing the bit about realisations and the bit about Vikk...

Also, I have twelve and thirteen already written and they're good ones too!

Thirteen is unlucky.  Especially since I wrote it on Friday the thirteenth...  It's where everything kicks off and gets running!!  And I'm so excited for it... When I write good chapters like that then I just want to post them straight away and then I remember that I still have others too post first....

Chapter 12 sneak peek -

‘He hears the gulping sound as clear as a gunshot to the head.'

I'm going to give you a sneak peak of what thirteen is since it's an exciting one!!

‘He wasn't a skivvy.  He sure felt like one though.  Sometimes he even wondered if his friends were really his friends and only wanted things from him but that of course was a fleeting midnight thought that would cross through his mind for two seconds before being suppressed by the countless amount of evidence against it.'   <--- Who could feel like that??  Guess!!!!! 

Baaiiiiii!! Love you guys xx <3 xx