To say that Simon was the jealous type is an understatement.
It wasn't something he could control. It was a feeling in the pit of his stomach, a sort of anger.
Not anger towards Ethan, not even anger towards Cal.
He knew that Ethan wasn't his, he knew that Ethan was his own person and could survive without him.
The anger was towards himself. He was angry at himself for the way he thought, the things he would imagine that made him feel positively ill.
He would imagine Cal, hovering over Ethan. Cal holding Ethan's hand in the dark, quiet cinema.
His mind even found a way to make the friendly, almost brotherly, hug they gave each other as a greeting something way more than it was.
He would often find himself trying to reassure his own mind that they were just friends because he knew it. He knew that Ethan was loyal and that, in a way, Ethan was his and that he was Ethan's.
He was the only one that knew where to press kisses to make Ethan writhe and shiver beneath him and he was the only one that knew what his skin tasted like.
He was the only one but he had trust issues.
Trust issues that he was trying so hard to sort out.
"Can you say Dada?" He coos at Caleb, trying to take his mind off Ethan going to the cinema with Cal. Cal seemed to always be the cause of his jealousy, maybe because him and Ethan were so close.
Caleb just stares blankly at him before opening his mouth wide and making an airy and loose 'd' sound that was more just the dull sound coming from him smacking his tongue against the roof of his mouth but it was good and Simon felt unbelievably proud.
"Well done!" He begins to tickle him as he giggles with a loud gurgle accompanying it.
---------------------
He didn't understand it. They were all fine, none of them seemed to notice the massive changes that had happened over the last few months.
He was falling apart, everything was changing and he couldn't handle it.
He had never been able to deal well with change, his mind relied on routine and none of these things were a part of his routines.
----------------------
As soon as Ethan walked through the door that night, around eleven PM, Simon was straight down the stairs and practically leaping on him.
Of course, he didn't actually jump because he preferred an Ethan that wasn't broke but he did squeeze him as tight as he could, which earned him a pained groan from Ethan as he feebly hugged back.
Simon wasn't really the touchy type, even with Ethan, he much preferred to greet people with a high five or a handshake because he had his bubble and that idea kept him safe.
He was in danger if someone was in his bubble.
The only time he let his guard was when he was intoxicated or around Ethan because he trusted Ethan, even if it took him a long time to do so.
"Um, I'll go get a drink." Cal sounds from behind Ethan as he awkwardly gestures towards the kitchen and scoots past the entangled boys.
Ethan laughs, like he normally does, and Simon smiles against the other's shoulder.
Ethan feels cold, the warm summer not being a match against the cold of the night and making it a little chilly outside. The end of his nose is red and his cheeks are flushed.
YOU ARE READING
stumbling into line (sidemen ff)
Fanfiction'Would you give up your happiness for her?' 'No, she is my happiness' --- 'One add one equals one. Me add him equals one. Everything equals one. But how you get there is always different.' --- 'Love is a one time thing, but it's so unknown to hum...
