I feel like I'm slipping down to be entangled once again by my prior chains.
How could I fall so far back but still be constantly walking forward?
I'm pulling on my restrains until I can snap them in two and finally run.
My bare feet will hit the concrete.
I'll splatter through dirt roads.
To end up right back here again.
Stuck in an infinite glitch.
The habits return.
I feel helpless but too desensitized to care.
I lay in bed every night across from my only comfort.
Just to stare into the eyes of the person I hate the most.
Time stops when I'm alone.
My concept of space is warped.
You know what it's like be astroplaning while you're awake?
My mind is engulfed with false perceptions and false attachments.
My heart holds too much and could explode at any second.
What's in it? I'm unsure of.
I can only think of bitter sweetness.
I've attached myself to someone who doesn't even know I exist.
For the 30th time.
Why?
I've convinced myself that I'm in love.
I've convinced myself that these habits are good.
I've convinced myself that nothing hurts.
Hmm..
Why does a heart monitor's line rise and fall?
How does that signify life or death?
I wonder.
What it's like.....
I wonder.
Will I ever find my own heartbeat?
I'm shaking.
I want to run and never come back.
I want to end the cycle of sadness.
I want to destroy this world.
My standards are low.
My expectations are underground.
I just want something more than space.
Though stargazing is what I do the most.
Living and breathing.
That's all life is about.
That's all it's about.
That's it.
Sadness is a built in weighted blanket.
Cover yourself and soak in the comfort.
Soak in the pain.
Trace my lips to know what I mean.
You can't see what I see yet.
