Why is it that the world always seems so unhappy?
Can you assure me that it'll be okay?
Even when I sit there inaudible, with nothing to say.
I'm isolated but trying to have a double life.
Losing my mind but no one will know my strife.
Long drives are my happy place.
They're amazing and alluring and full of possibilities.
Getting lost in the middle of the night seems like an exhilarating idea.
You're always in my head.
So are my worries.
Compete for first place.
Win my heart over.
Conquer my fears with me.
Do you know why I'm like this?
Neither do I.
Hello is nice until the opposite attracts.
Mom is occupying my worries.
Dad is occupying my bitterness.
Sister is occupying my depression.
I'm occupying my insecurities.
There's not much memory left to store data.
How can I get an upgrade?
My hollow husk of a soul burns with every open window.
The frigid air lights my lungs ablaze.
I could smoke my own anxieties properly wrapped up in myself.
Can God really help me?
I've been praying so hard and hoping for the best.
I know he's righteous, but maybe my life is meant to be detrimental.
Looking from the inside, out I saw a world of pain.
Looking from the outside, in I viewed a world in pain.
I like to imagine my perfect life, with a dad who loves me and adores me as much as he loves my mother.
I'd have daddy daughter time.
He'd save me from all the hurt.
Then I flash out of my fantasy.
He's just distant.
I'm alone.
Abba please nurse my heavy heart back to health.
I'm trying to keep the pieces together.
My words are cold and light as a feather.
The times I feel the most alive are when I want to die.
This life isn't mine.
But can I choose that part at least?
I'm untouchable, In the honorable and erroneous ways.
Sometimes I go back to 9th grade and cry.
Like tonight.
I'm fourteen and alone.
Someone help me.
My eyes open.
I'm twenty two and afraid.
Someone help me.
In the middle of the night, when I'm in this dream, I can't help but wake up in tears.
I'll never understand the journey until I'm at the end of my trip.
I'm being pulled down once again, but I'm fighting it with every breath I take.
There's got to be more than this.
I believe that.
Even when it doesn't seem pliant on those days.
Rip me apart if you have to, shred me up.
Do what it takes until you're satisfied with the results.
I'll just go along, like a rag doll being susceptible to improvements.
Storm on my parade if it prevents a fatality.
I'll attempt to overcome.
It's funny that someone like me, can be so bitter but crave the sweetest of things.
Count the steps I take until I retract.
It'll be the same amount as last time.
I'm nothing special.
I'm nothing different.
But I do feel like an outcast.
"You were meant to be set apart from the world, not be one with it".
I see.
That doesn't make me feel satisfied.
You are special.
You are different.
The world isn't so bad you will see.
I'll be the cloud that will set you free.
Hopefully.... __________________
