God, I'm laying here sinking deeper into the abyss of comfort.
The black hole of lies and Deceit.
I keep falling and looking up for you like it's your fault I'm moving away from your reach.
I want you to save me but I refuse to let you.
I want you to hold me but I refuse to touch you. I want to talk to you but I just flat out refute your ways and my beliefs about you.
I prove myself wrong daily as I fall into emptiness and depression.
I prove myself right as I go more and more into this dangerous oppression.
The warm arms that hold me and comfort me are an illusion within my head.
They're in retrospect clawing at my insides, trying to rip me to shreds.
My demons are holding me down, they're telling me lie after lie that it will all be okay. "Go ahead, lay with us since it feels good" is what they say everyday.
My demons have me chained by the bonds I've tangled myself in once more.
How much longer will this be tugging at my heart..? How much more weight will it bear on my soul?.. I don't know what feels like pain since everything only feels numb.
I can't even feel the love of my significant because my spiritual body is away.
My physical body is used up and done for.
My heart will never be anywhere to stay.
I hurt so much that I want to lay within my ghosts to feel the comfort of familiarity day in and day out.
But familiarity only comes close to a cycle of endless horror to come.
I know it but can't do without.
Maybe one day when I'm gone, the lord will look down on me and sing my favorite song.
As my younger entity arises to the garden where I spent most of my days at the dawn.
I love you but it's hard to love when you need to breathe.
It's hard to find the balance of a chaotic world. It's hard to find love when everything else has proved you wrong.
It's hard to believe in yourself.
It's hard to believe in a father you can't even see.
I know you never let me down, but I let you go so I could "be free".
But freedom never caused this much grief, this much pain when I was free with you.
I want to be free like that once more.
I lost my way home, will you guide me again?
I lost everything in my heart and soul, you are and will always still be my only friend.
