Perfectly Wrong

40. Let You Go

The next few weeks go by really quick and the days Camila has to take her mother to treatment, Maisie takes care of the girls until Shawn gets home. Shawn leaves every morning at six-thirty and only comes home after five-thirty, so they don’t see each other much. Camila makes sure they don’t see each other, keeping their communication strictly via text and calls when it comes to Sofia and Aaliyah. Her mother has been trying to get information out of her, wanting to know why Shawn is not around anymore, but Camila lies and tells her Shawn has been too busy.

 He has only been to their house once in the past two months and it was the only time they actually spoke since the incident in the laundry room. He came over to tell her he was offered a job at a new school and starts in January. She’s happy for him, but it’s also bittersweet. She knows how much this job means to him and Aaliyah, but she also knows what it means to her. She’s been deep down counting the days until his last day as her teacher, but now that it finally happened it’s like they’re over for good.

 Their house back in Miami has finally been put up for sale and Camila spends the majority of November helping Sinu with their finances. They set aside more money for her college funds and open a saving account for Sofia. Sinu pays off any credit cards and charges on her name and tells Camila never to open any in her name, otherwise she'll haunt her.

 On the last day of school before winter break, Camila brings the girls home since it’s a Thursday and Aaliyah usually spends the night with them so Shawn can go to Club N9NE. She hasn’t been there since Shawn sang the song he wrote for her. She doesn’t want to relive this heartache anymore than she has to.

 Camila feeds the girls and sends them to Sofia’s bedroom before walking to her mother’s room for their nightly chat.

 “ Shut the door.” Sinu whispers. “ These are Sofia’s.”

 Her mother is wrapping Christmas gifts, so Camila closes the door, sits next to her on the bed and helps her.

 “ What are your plans for Christmas break?” Sinu asks, making Camila look up at her. She notices how much hair her mother has lost already.

 “ Whatever yours are, I guess.” Camila says.

 “ Are you going to Shawn’s graduation with us tomorrow?”

 Shawn had sent them an invite two weeks ago. Each graduate gets a certain number of guests and besides his grandparents, he invited them.

 “ I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet.” Camila replies.

 “ You should go.” Sinu says. “ Whatever happened between the two of you, you should still go. He’s been there for us, Camila.”

 Camila doesn’t want to admit she doesn’t want to go because she doesn’t know how to act around him anymore. That night in the laundry room she thought for a brief moment that they could finally be together. It was the most amazing feeling she has ever experienced, to finally be free to love him. It wasn’t real, though. She never wants to experience the heartache she felt moments later again.

 Sinu moves the wrapping paper from her lap and reaches out to hug Camila, who was doing a terrible job at hiding her emotions.

 “ I’m sorry, but I think I may have given you some terrible advice.” Sinu says.

 “ That’s impossible, Mom.” Camila laughs and pulls away from her mother’s arms. “ You don’t know how to do terrible.”

 “ I did, though. Your whole life I’ve been telling you to think with your head, not your heart.”

 “ That’s not good advice, Mom. That’s great advice. That same advice is what has gotten me through these past few months.”

 “ I’m serious.” Sinu says, taking Camila’s hands in hers. “ You’ve been doing so much thinking with your head that you're ignoring your heart completely. There has to be a balance. The fact that both of you are letting other things consume you is about to ruin any chance you’ll ever have at being happy.”

 “ Nothing is consuming me, Mom.” Camila says, shaking her head.

 “ I am, Camila.” Sinu says, looking at her like she’s not getting it. “ I’m consuming you. You have to stop worrying so much about me. Go live your life. I’m not dead yet, you know.”

 Camila looks down at their hands, realizing she really has been focusing a lot on her mother. That’s what both of them need. She doesn’t have much time left and Camila wants to be there for every second of it.

 “ Mom, you need me. You need me more than I need Shawn. Besides, Shawn has made his choice.”

 “ No, he hasn’t, Camila.” Her mother says. “ He made what he thought was the best choice for him, but he’s wrong. You’re both wrong.”

 Camila knows her mother only wants her to be happy, but Shawn has made his decision that night at the laundry room when he let her go. He has his priorities and she’s not one of them.

 “ That night I told you I had cancer and you ran to Shawn’s house?” Her mother’s voice softens. “ I need to tell you what he said to me.”

 Camila remembers that conversation, but she couldn’t hear what they were saying.

 “ When he answered the door I told him you needed to come home. That we needed to talk about it. He looked at me with heartache in his eyes and told me you needed him. Camila, it broke my heart that you needed him more than you needed me. As soon as those words left his mouth, I realized that you had grown up. That I wasn’t your whole life anymore. Shawn could see that. He saw how his words hurt me and he hugged me. He told me he would never take you from me. He said he was going to let you go, let you focus on me and the time I had left.” Her mother pauses for a second, letting her take in what she’s saying. “ Camila, he didn’t move on. He didn’t choose this new job over you, he chose his new job over us. He wanted you to have more time with me.”

 “ Mom?” Camila’s voice sounds weak. “ What if you’re wrong?”

 “ What if I’m not wrong, Camila? Question everything. What if he wants to choose you? You’ll never know if you don’t tell him how you feel. You have completely shut him out. You haven’t given him the chance to pick you.”

 Camila knows her mother is right. She has been completely closed off since what happened in the laundry room. Maybe she just needs to let him know that it’s okay for him to love her.

 “ It’s seven-thirty, Camila. You know where he is. Go tell him how you feel.”

 Camila jumps off the bed and runs to her room, putting on some pants as her hands shake. She chooses the same shirt she wore on their first and only date before looking at herself in the mirror. There's something missing, so she reaches under her pillow and takes her purple hair clip. She removes her mother’s strand of hair out of it and places them in her jewelry box before adjusting her bangs to the side with the hair clip.