The Enemy Beside Me + The Liar Beside Me (Book 1 and 2)

Entry #2

Haha said Sofu used to be a firefighter, and that's why he's always in a hurry. He hates it every time someone moves like a slug even though there is no imminent danger.

There was a time I visited his old apartment (this was before he burnt me alive), and I bit my tongue to stop myself from asking why did he bring us there. Our house was by no means big, but it wasn't as small as the apartment of Sofu. I could barely move. I could barely breathe. Maybe this is another factor of his temper. Who would have such a pleasant day if you woke up in a box-like room? It's honestly suffocating.

I didn't know what to do back then. Was I supposed to smile and pretend that I was amazed by how he dedicated his youth to save lives? Or was I meant to stay silent as he lectured me about appreciating the little things?

Haha barely moved her lips. One of the things she said to me was, '日本のサラリーマンと同様、 おじいさん はスーツを着て通勤するんだ!' [Grandfather wears a suit to work like most Japanese office workers!] As if that was a good thing. Another honest confession: I couldn't care less. If you're not from here, I don't think you would understand how important a suit is to a Zone 1 employee. A suit is just not a suit. The suit is you. It represents your whole life, how you had been taught to dress, and the way you dress tells how dedicated and loyal you are to your job. I know it sounds stupid, but it's what we think. Or at least, that's what they think.

That's one of the reasons why they called a curse. I've always had this individual way of thinking. In our Zone, individuality isn't practised. In fact, it isn't encouraged. You always have to think about what you can do for the community, what you can do for your family. You always come last. Even as a child, I did not want to do that. It wasn't like I was selfish, but I was a little boy, and I am still a child, aren't I? Am I not allowed to think about my own happiness for once?

Tanaka-san, a man in his mid-30s, was always looking forward to seeing me every time he played Karuta with Sofu. He'd always greet me with such enthusiasm that even Sofu found this quite odd.

His greetings were unnecessarily loud. I had expected him to be reprimanded because you are not supposed to do that. Then again, he was rich. Very rich, and when you have that much money, nobody cares how filthy and smelly and loud you are.

'昨日は何時に寝たんだ?' [What time did you sleep last night?] He'd always ask me. I'd answer with no exact hours. Why? Because a child has to say, 'I read tons of books last night until I fell asleep!' Your parents cannot brag about you that much, so as a small child, I had that excuse to do so, as long as I sounded innocent. I don't know if it applies to every family in our town, but I know Sofu wanted me to say that.

Tanaka-san would nod and then ask me about my grades. My tongue then would feel dry and heavy because I hadn't had went to school for a long time now. Nobody knew it but me. I couldn't face my classmates, not after what I did to Kotaro-kun. It's a long story, so maybe I'll tell you about it next time.

Next, he'd ask me, ' お前は何歳なんだ？'[How old are you?] even though he already knew the answer. I guess he didn't lie when he said he liked hearing my voice. It's soft and delicate but can be feisty when I get annoyed, which is very rare. I guess that's what he was trying to do. He was hoping I'd lose my patience and snap at him for asking the same questions over and over again. But I couldn't afford to do that. Sofu was always intensely watching, so I had to behave.

He'd only stop pestering me whenever Oba served him lunch. 'やっと昼メシが食える！' [Finally! Lunchtime!]

I wish that was it, but he ate way too fast that even though I did not like him, I was worried about his stomach. Then when they were done eating, that was when I was only allowed to leave them. '次はどこに行くんだ？'[Where are you going next?] As much as I found Tanaka-san exasperating, it still amazes me how he talked to me as though I was an important person. To my room, I'd say. Of course, I used Keigo. When you're younger, you're expected to respect the elders. You always have to watch your tone!

I also used Keigo with my colleagues which they hated. If I wanted friends, I would have talked casually to my fellow kids.

But I did not want any friends.

I hated everyone.