The Enemy Beside Me + The Liar Beside Me (Book 1 and 2)

Entry #4

I know I'm not supposed to laugh, but sometimes I can't help it with how Gaijin find it hard to humble themselves just so they could be more polite and modest.

Since I was born and raised here, it's not that too hard for me. Although I do think that my father's strength of character had been passed down to me, and that's the reason why I'm not as good as the others.

Maybe I am Gaijin deep inside? Oh, by the way! Do you know what Gaijin means? It's actually a shortened version of Gaikokujin (I'm telling you this since I'm not sure if you're a foreign journal or not. Haha said all things have spirits and since you, the journal, has been recycled from old papers so maybe you have a spirit, who knows! You might be a Gaijin!)

Gaikokujin is written like this: 外国人. It simply means, 'A person from outside of Japan'. Anyway, if we remove the 'koku', we are left with Gaijin which basically means 'outsider'.

So, you see, that's why I sometimes think that maybe I am Gaijin. I never feel like I belong here or there. Not even here in this secret room which Sofu had built in his youth but he hasn't used it ever since he got married and that's been a very long time ago.

Now you know where I am, do you? I'm living with them again but they don't know it yet! I'm good at hiding. I move as light as the air. Actually, my whole body had dissolved into nothing after they had burnt me. Did you know it takes several days to blaze a body into nothingness? That is if you don't have the right facility and devices and since they didn't have that when they had done it to me, they had to come back every day just to see how my dead body was doing.

And each time they had come back, I'd had this hope they would cry and beg for my forgiveness for what they had done to me. Unfortunately, they'd simply shake their heads and say how troublesome I was even in death.

But I was not dead! At least not entirely. Somehow, my consciousness was drifting in the air. I was watching the whole thing. Of course, I was sad and lonely, so I cried again and again even though I had no body.

Perhaps Sofu had felt my presence and that's why he beat my ashes on the ground, grinding his teeth as he told me to leave them alone, you filthy curse!

痛い!I think way too much. This is a problem of mine. I don't talk a lot verbally but when I am writing, that's when my brain produces thousands of words. See where the seemingly innocent question has turned into this subject?

Or perhaps I am just fatigued. I wonder how long should I keep hiding here.

I could've hidden somewhere else, maybe that's what you're thinking, but I don't know where else to go. They say I'm a genius, but I'm still a child, so my survival instincts aren't that sharp yet.

Every night, after they all go to sleep, I sneak into the kitchen and take some bites. It's dangerous, I know. But I also think I'm after the familiarity. Try getting burnt for days and being left alone for what seems a whole eternity, I bet you'd also covet familiarity.

I wouldn't be here if they had loved me more. Oh, did you know there's a proverb that speaks for my situation? 井の中の蛙、大海を知らず or 'A frog at the bottom of a well knows nothing of the great ocean'. It's very telling, you see. It's perfect for a narrow-minded person. And we can both agree that Sofu is a frog at the bottom of a well. This is why I feel so sorry for him despite everything. He thinks he is free, that he knows everything but...he doesn't.

Someday, if things calm down and he finds it in his heart to forgive and love me, maybe I can help him expand his horizons. Perhaps that's all he needs to stop burning people. As far as I know, I'm the only person whom he'd killed, but you never know...

I wouldn't count my mother's burial. Sure, she was buried alive, but was she really alive then? The moment Chichi-sama had bled to death, she knew deep in her heart that she was next. Yes, I was sitting down with her, but as I have said before, she was a living ghost and a living ghost is no human.

It's not silly to have this hope! Oba was crying last night. She hadn't stopped Sofu, so she thinks she's part of it. Technically, she's correct. But I cannot fully blame her. What could she have done?

Could we please stop talking about that for now? I'm kind of getting sad again.

Let's talk about Haha! If my calculations are correct, I had missed the day to show off Haha's cooking. It's an annual event at my school. Every year, the mothers of every student would demonstrate how great they are at cooking, so imagine if you had a mother who was cursed to be such a disaster in the kitchen.

Every time they complimented Haha, I said, 母は料理するのがとても好きです。[My mother really loves cooking.]

But what I wanted to say was, 母は料理がとても上手です。[My mother is good at cooking]

I don't know what else I could tell to a hundred-year-old object. Wait, are you even that old yet? You seem to be.

付喪神 ! 付喪神!

If I chant it in my head, maybe it'll come true.

Please, don't punish or eat me. I'm begging you.

To appease you, oh great kami of this journal, I'll tell you about my best friend tomorrow! His name is Declan Anderson and he is the best!

For now, I need to sleep. Good night!