Still Dreaming - Treebros

Chapter 19: "The Season of the Sticks"

Thursday, November 28th

"Bella, I don't want you to come."

This might be the lowest I have ever been in my life.

"You don't want me?"

In my 18 years on this Earth, I have never been more pathetic. Not even as a baby, screaming with a face covered in food. At least that's what the baby is supposed to be doing, he's supposed to be a baby.

"No."

This is not what a grown man is supposed to be doing.

"That changes things. A lot."

He is not supposed to be crying to Twilight. On Thanksgiving. Alone, in his bedroom. That he shares with his ex-boyfriend. I wipe away a tear and take another sip of water. I really haven't been drinking as much water as I should be, but that's probably not even in the top 5 list of things that I'm not doing that I should be.

I showered shortly after Connor left my dorm yesterday because I felt so disgusted with myself. Showering's easier with the private bathroom, but I had to sit down half-way through because the hot water made my head swim.

Which would probably be because I haven't eaten in three days.

I haven't checked my phone since yesterday, either. I glance at it, in case Mom texted to wish me a happy Thanksgiving. If I don't respond, she'll panic and call and tell how awful I'm doing from the sound of my voice. But she hasn't texted.

Someone else has though.

J: yooooo its turkey day 🦃🦃🦃

I glance up at my laptop and see Bella running alone in the woods. It makes my stomach twist, and I pull the blanket tighter around me. It's made of wool and scratchy and I usually hate it, but I don't care right now. It's Sam's blanket. It smells like him still.

I think I just want a reminder that someone else lives here and will probably come back. That I'm not just gonna sit in my grossness alone forever. I pause the movie and grab my phone. I don't want to miss anything.

Me: Happy Thanksgiving Jared

J: say hi to ur mom for me

J: wait nevermind 

J: oops

J: lol

I huff a tiny laugh. It doesn't even hurt my feelings at this point. It's kind of comforting that he hasn't changed. Everything else has.

J: hows sitting in a dark room by yourself going

Me: It's going very well, thank you. It's me and Hulu against the world

J: what are you watching

J: my little pony or something

I look up at Kristen Stewart. He can never know. What's a show that any self-respecting person would watch? Something he can't possibly make fun of me for?

Me: House

Good one, Evan. Jared got me to watch it in sophomore year, so it's a show that he knows and likes.

J: good show

Me: I know. That's why I'm watching it

J: yeah my thanksgivings pretty cool

J: my mom has the flu so i'm driving to see alana and spend thanksgiving with her family

J: maybe i should get them to watch house