All of My Days

15

Seri walked into the building on the gloomy Monday morning, balancing two coffee cups in a cardboard holder in one hand and fiddling with her keycard. She knew she was early and the building would still be locked up, but she was surprised to discover that it wasn't. Her plan was to leave the coffee on his desk with a little "I am sorry" note... and maybe ask him for lunch to apologize properly? She has not really thought this through. Despite thinking about it over the entire weekend.

But now that the building was open, she suspected that he might be already in.

Early bird, huh.

She scanned the offices briefly, seeing that the work area was empty and eerie quiet in the early hours of the morning, and moved towards the staff room to check next.

Jeong Hyeok was standing by the kitchenette wearing his usual slacks and a button-down shirt, deep in thought, unloading his lunch from the black backpack. He did not seem to hear her come in, so as she approached the counter, she took a bit of a heavier step on purpose, as to not startle him.

"Hi", she said quietly, putting the coffees on the counter and saw him nod in acknowledgment with her peripheral vision. "How was your weekend?" she flinched at her own pathetic conversation starter.

"Good," he nodded and moved to place the lunch box into the refrigerator.

She watched him move, a slight crease forming between her eyes brows, worry taking place in her chest. Was he upset? Angry with her?

"I am sorry," she rushed, afraid he would just leave now not giving her a chance to talk.

He closed the fridge and leaned on the counter, avoiding her gaze.

"It's ok. I understand."

"I'm so... ashamed, Jeong Hyeok, I am so sorry," she brought one hand to cover her eyes, turning back to face the counter.

"Ashamed?.." his voice sounded restricted and... hurt?

"I feel so stupid... not figuring it out, not believing you," she flinched, lowering her hand back to the coffee cups. "You have no idea."

"Oh," he was looking at her intently, trying to understand what she was saying.

"Anyway... this is for you," she pushed one of the coffee cups along the counter in his direction. Her thoughts were all jumbled and she struggled to remember what was she planning to tell him. Overthinking it for the past two days did nothing for her ability to express her thoughts. And here she thought she was good at public speaking.

"Thank you..." he accepted the cup, confusion written all over his face. "So... you're ashamed that you did not figure it out?"

"That, and how angry I was at you," Seri sighed, rubbing her temple. "I guess... my own insecurities prevailed over reasoning."

"Insecurities?"

She took a sip of the coffee from the other cup, trying to calm her nerves.

"Nevermind. Not that it would have changed anything for you," she put it down and looked at him finally. "Anyway. I am really sorry."

He shook his head and took a sip of the coffee too.

"It's ok. You don't owe me anything, Seri. In fact, it's me who owes you the answers. But if don't need them anymore, that's totally fine too."

Seri lowered her gaze, nodding slightly.

The burn of curiosity she was carrying with her for the past weeks... or years... has dissipated after the events at the Gala, her feelings of guilt taking a front-row seat in her heart. She wasn't sure if she was ready to know more.