Mockingjay. Life Goes On

Back home

After 4 hours in the hovercraft which President Paylor organized for sending us back to twelve , finally we reached the land in front of the Victor's Village. there are only a couple buildings left standing in District 12 while the others destroyed by the bomb.

 I take a look and try to picture how District 12 seems like before the war started. I regret doing it because now my tears pouring out again . I kept asking myself why this whole thing need to happen. I am not strong enough to deal with all of this. I am starting to feel my body is getting lower and lower to the ground. Then i see Haymitch is running towards me and help me to get on my feet again.

He leads me into my house As he open the door i can still feel the sense of my sister, Prim. I started to shake and sob . I have no idea how am i going to deal with all of these . Everytime i think about her i cant control myself. I always ended up crying and shouting for her , hopping it will bring her back in my arms .  Haymitch trying his best to calm me down, but trust me it is hard for me to calm down.

 I am sorry for Haymitch because he is stuck with a girl who has no reason to stay alive . A girl who wanted to end up her life as soon as she can to. I tried before remember ,  to kill myself but at that time Peeta was the one who stopped me.

After i calmed a little bit, I asked him to have some rest and go back to his house. At first he seemed like he wanted to protest but at last he just nodded and went back to his own house. I watch him as he walk into his house. He looks tired and worried. I knew he is worried about me and tired to be around me , taking care of me but i  cannot help it. I want to die and meet my sister, my dad and all of my friends that died because of me. I want to say that i am sorry. For me , dead is easy, living is hard.

 I make my way to my room and close the door behind me. I take the pearl that Peeta gave me in the second games and put it on my lips. My face started to get wet again. I really do miss him. I want him right now. Its killing me to think that maybe he really hates me now. Maybe he did not love me the way he used to. I don't want that to happen. There is no one that can make Peeta forget that he loves me not even the Capitol. But then i remembered the moment when he choked me, when i looked into his eyes , i cant see the real Peeta anymore. His beautiful blue eyes changed into a pitch black. I can see a lot of hatred on his face when he choked me to death. It tears my heart into pieces . Now i am lying on my bed sobbing with the pearl still placed between my lips. 

"Peeta, Peeta i need you"I keep calling his name and hopping that he will heard me and come back to me. I keep trying even though i know that it will not happen.