Mockingjay. Life Goes On

Feelings for him

Katniss POV
Last night when Peeta wrapped me in his arms made me recall and experience all the feelings that i've craved for so long before. I wanted it to be like that forever but unfortunately when i woke up this morning Peeta was not there with me. Now i am back in my hospital room lying on the bed with annoying machines all around the bed. The beeping sounds from the machines leave me lying unpeacefully .

Where is Peeta?
Why did he leave?
Why am i ended up in my bed again?
Did something bad happened last night after the sleep took over me?
Is he alright?
Is it just a dream?

More and more questions running on my mind right now which make me more anxious.
" sorry to interrupt your thought sweetheart " Haymitch says and totally bring me back to reality.
" Don't you ever heard of knocking Haymitch?" i ask him defensively.
" That's the problem sweetheart i've been knocking the door for who knows how long but you seemed to just ignore it. " Haymitch explains patiently
" Ohh , I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I just wasn't paying attention. " i stare down at my bed.
Haymitch walks towards my bed and sits on the chair beside the bed. He pads my shoulder because my body seems so tense and Haymitch knows that there is something bothering me.
" what are the things that playing inside your head , sweetheart? "
There is a long silence before i answer his question.
" Haymitch, last night Peeta came here real or not real?" I ask him and fear that it was all just a dream.
" Actually he never left the hospital since you're admitted couple days ago. Last night i asked him to go back home and try to take some sleep because we both brought you here directly when he was coming back from the Capitol. You talked to him already right? He said to me that you seemed like you're not ready to meet him. " Haymitch keeps on talking but my mind stay to what Haymitch just said that Peeta thought that i am not ready to meet him.
Am i not ready to meet him? I ask myself , but i am kinda happy that he is finally here with me but i am not sure what will this situation brings him any good. Look at you Katniss you can't even take care of yourself. You are just going to be such a huge burden to whoever that stays near you. The voices take control of my head.

Once again i am brought back to reality when i heard Haymitch clears his throat.
" sorry " i apologize.
" I nearly thought that it was all just a dream. Yaa we talked. Just a little because i am still in a state of shock that he is here, you know? "
Haymitch nod i don't want to tell him about my outburst because i am ashamed by my own reaction last night.
" Where is he now? Where's Peeta " my head spontaneously searching the room.
" He's not in here sweetheart" i can sensed a chuckle in Haymitch voice.
" He's still out there in the cafeteria. I asked him to have something to eat cause he barely eat anything for the last couple of days. That kid is as stubborn as you when it comes to this kind of matter." My eyes stop searching the room.
" hey sweetheart maybe you two need to talk a little more because there are still a lot of things that he need to confirm from his memory. He is still in a state of recovering. I think it is good for both of you though. It can help both of you to heal and get better. I know that i said this before but it is so true. "
" Nothing will get better in my life anymore Haymitch" i snap at him and trying to hold back the tears.
" Just try sweetheart. You both deserve a better life than what you have now or can you do it for Peeta. He is struggling to know what is real and what is not real. After all he have done for you i think you really need to help him sweetheart. There is still the real Peeta in him. The one who is kind, generous, polite and most important, he is still Peeta who loves and cares about you. Give him a chance Katniss" I know at this point Haymitch is very serious.

I just nod my head. I don't want to say anything else cause i don't trust myself that i can talk without bursting into tears.

After a long silence, i ask Haymitch when will i be allowed to go home. Haymitch tells me to stay still in my bed while he asks the doctor in charge. Not long after that Haymitch comes back and tells me that i can go back after my final check ups this afternoon. I am so grateful to hear that because i can't stay here any longer. Every second in the hospital are just bad especially at night. At night it was just become worst for me. All the nightmares i mean.

That afternoon two or three doctors come to check me up and give me some of my medicine which caused me feel so sleepy. I am drifted into a deep sleep even before the doctors finish checking me up.

When i open my eyes, i can see Haymitch is sitting beside my bed reading newspaper. I shift my body into a sitting position and Haymitch put away the newspaper immediately maybe i startled him a little bit because there he is with a shock look on his face. Small chuckle escape from my mouth.

"I'm sorry i didn't mean to..."
"Naahh its okay" Haymitch cut me
" Are you ready to go home? You've been sleeping for three hours now. Those medicine really have done quite a great job because you finally had some peaceful three hours sleep"

" Yup i think i need them a lot so that i will get enough sleep"
" I would not let you take too much of that pills. You know that it will caused bad addiction" Haymitch reminds me.

I give him an unsatisfying look on my face. Then i start to walk into the bathroom to change my clothes. After i changed into my own cloth i ask Haymitch where is Peeta. It is impossible that he is still in the cafeteria.

" Ohhh he came in before. When you're asleep. Since you are going to go out today he decided to go back home before you wake up. He don't want to make you uncomfortable because he is here and he wants to give you some times to take it all in" Haymitch tells me while he helps me sign all the forms that need to be signed before checking out from the hospital.

I just nod and walk straight out the room without any other word. There is only one thought that keeps on repeating in my head.

-You know what katniss, you could live a hundred life times and never really deserve that boy.