Mockingjay. Life Goes On

I am the mutt

Katniss POV
He still mad at me. He is still trying to kill me. Peeta didn't love me anymore. I have lost the boy with the bread. I cannot let myself seeing the boy that used to love me but not anymore after the hijacking to hate me. I can't face it. He is my last hope to stay alive and continue my life by saying that everything is going to be alright and now i think the Capitol just took that last hope from me, the one that really will help me get through all of this pain and loses . I know he will kill me. I am the mutt. I am the one that killed his family and caused him to be hijacked by the Capitol. I deserve all of this, after what i have done. I know i will never deserve him.

These thought keep repeating in my head after Haymitch tell me about the news. I am shaking and the tears start to come out from my eyes like they will never going to end. How do i suppose to cope with the news other than this. I can't do anything, because i know i can't change the fact that now Peeta really hate me. I can't deal with that. There's no one can take him away from me. No one can make Peeta forget that he love me. But now i am not so sure about it. Seems like the Capitol had done something that made me think twice about the thought. Clearly they successfully made Peeta to become the exact opposite boy with the one that i have known before.

Haymitch POV
I knew she will not be able to stand the news. It's really hard for me to see her like this.
"Hey, sweetheart. I know it is hard for you to cope with all of this but i believe he still in there. Peeta, the one that love you and always protect you where ever he is, he always do anything to protect you. I just want you to remember that. There's nothing can change what Peeta feel towards you"
"But the Capitol can" Katniss said cutting me while i talked. I think she lose her hope to live again. I am really mad towards the Capitol. These kids deserve so much better.
"Katniss, there is something that i still not yet tells you about Peeta. "
"What is it" Katniss just stared at the floor cause she knows that everything that will come out through my mouth is just going to make everything worst.
"Katniss, Peeta will be send back to District 12 on this Saturday. Plutarch told me that they have done the best that they could but all of it failed. They can't find the cure for the hijack. So i think that maybe you could help him get through this. He want to see you. "

Katniss POV
I lift my head and try to face Haymitch. "Haymitch Peeta wants to kill me and now you just let him meet me. I cannot face him Haymitch!!! what do you expect me to do. I can't see him with all the pain that he suffer and as we all already know that i am the one that caused it. I think maybe this time just let him choked me to death. Don't stop him from doing that" i said trying to control my tears but i failed

Haymitch seems to be taken back a little after he heard what i just said. I can see the anger on his face.

"Katniss, have you lose your mind. It is not Peeta that wanted to kill you. " Haymitch finally voices out.

"Don't you see it Haymitch, Peeta is gone. The Capitol took him from me. He try to kill me now and i know i deserve it. "I am now yelling at Haymitch then i felt guilty about it.

"Katniss do you really think that Peeta is really gone. If he is gone why he wanted to see you then. He kept calling and screaming your name" Haymitch said trying to convince me that Peeta is still the one that i used to know.

"Probably just a trick so that he will see me and take the opportunity to kill me then."I cut Haymitch off but i think it was a little harsh but I don't care about it anymore, Peeta is gone. I will never going to get him back. I am sorry Peeta. I failed to keep you safe. I am still uncontrollably sobbing and shaking. I think i might pass out.

"Do you think Peeta will do this if you are the one that got hijacked. No. Surely not Katniss. You yourself knew that. And then now do you think it is fair for him for you to act like this towards him. Think about it Katniss. " Haymitch said after a long silence. Then he walked away from me and out of my door.

I know Peeta will never act like this if it is me who got hijacked. I kmow that he will do anything to help me get back even if it means to put himself in danger that i can and will kill him. Thats the thing about Peeta, he will always sacrifice himself for me and i just let him go. After all the sobbing i know i am going to pass out cause my breathing rate is increasing. It is hard for me to breath. I started to think that maybe this is the end. The end of all the pain that i have been through. Before i knew it, my visionary getting more pitch black and my body is still shaking badly.
"Peeta, Peeta please come back. I need you. "I keep saying his name and i hope that he is here with me to protect me and calm me down. My heart felt like it is on fire. Now i am the girl on fire again. But not the one that brave and strong but the one that is broken and weak. His name is the last thing that came through my mouth before i pass out.