Without thinking of it, I unblock him and send him a text message:
Karlie: Thank you for the flowers. They are beautiful.
I don’t expect him to answer me. This is all about to be polite. I’m not regretting sending him a message, I’m not regretting…I’m not regretting…I try to convince myself.
I’ve met Candice for lunch and the first thing I’ve told her has been about the flowers. She is the only one who knows about Ed sending letters to me. She almost freaked out when I told her.
‘Karlie…I know it is your birthday but I think it’s time for us to talk about all this shit. You have two options, talk to him and try to fix things or talk to him and tell him to stop this, because he can’t mess around with you, it only makes things more difficult and I think you can’t move forward. You should take a decision soon.’
‘Yeah, I know…every time he sends me a letter all my past turns to be like my present for seconds. But I don’t know what I want either. My son is the person who I love the most and I want to see him happy.’
‘But Karlie, this time is not about Acker. Is about you. I know it’s difficult. But what’s the point of getting back together with Ed if you aren’t happy? I mean, now your son is very young and he doesn’t realize about it, but what’s going to happen when he is 15 and realizes that his mother isn’t who she used to be? Do this because you want to not because you feel forced to do it. Whatever you do, it will be fine. We are going to be here to support you.’
‘Thank you Candice…really, thank you. I will think about it. You know what? I’m afraid about tonight…I don’t want to happen what happened months ago.’
‘Believe me that that isn’t going to happen. I already took care of it.’
**
October 2013
It had been probably a month since Ed and I broke up. I don’t know. I didn’t even know in which day I was. That must be probably Friday because I remember Acker being so happy for the weekend. He was with his grandparents. The girls had insisted that I had to go out tonight to some disco or pub, since I had spent all that month at home. I had to start with my life again. I let Candice to do my make up while she reminded me to smile. She chose the outfit for me, black high waisted jeans with a white short blouse and boots.
Once we were all ready –three Friends from the university and Candice-, we grabbed a taxi and went to a new pub in London. That night was the opening act and they were giving some free cocktails. I ordered a Cosmopolitan and sat in one of the white sofas while observing the place. It was quite crowded. There was a boy, who from what I thought and also Candice confirmed it to me later, was staring at me most of the time.
I was already in my third Cosmopolitan when suddenly Candice shouted:
‘FUCK!!!!! Don’t fucking turn your head to the right.’
And what is the first thing you do when someone tells you that?? Turning round your head to the right. Just behind three more guys, there was Ed, my ex. In the same fucking pub of the 1 million pubs that exist in London.
‘Please tell me this is a nightmare and that you didn’t know he was going to come. Please’ I couldn’t start crying. Not in this place, I wasn’t going to allow Ed to see my tears.
‘Of course not!!!! I had no idea!!! Do you want us to leave?? Fuck…too late…he is coming towards us.’
Ed was wearing a black tight T-Shirt, you could see perfectly his defined biceps. He was carrying his flannel shirt on one hand and his jeans were little bit baggy. And that messy hair…I bit my lower lip uncounscious.
We found us, us
In this club, club
We found us, us
It hurts but it feels right
‘Hello ladies…’ Candice greeted him and then stood up and went to dance with the other girls, leaving the two of us alone. Great.
‘I-I was wondering…if…hm…you would like to talk for a second outside.’
I nodded in silence, without being able to say even a word. We stepped out of the pub and he took out from his jeans a packet of cigarettes. There was no need to ask how are you, both already knew the answer and to be honest I wasn’t even in the mood to answer that question.
‘Do you mind if I…’ he asked me softly.
‘It’s not like the first time you smoke in front of me, you know that it doesn’t bother me. It’s fine’ I said with a cold tone. And I was also cold. Ed had to notice because he offered me to go to his car.
‘Okay but just for some minutes because I don’t want the girls to be worried. And you should wear the flannel, it seems I’m not the only one who is cold.’ I winked at him and start walking by his side. What the fuck did I just do? God…this must be the Cosmos.
‘What do you want to talk about, Ed?’ I said when we were finally inside the car, he started it for some seconds so it would get warmer thanks to the heating
Ed sighed deeply right before he started talking. ‘I am sorry for what happened...you can’t imagine how much I miss you and I need you…I need you Karlie…I really do…’ he placed his hand on my left knee and I could feel shivers all along my body.
It was the first time we spoke face to face about what happened. Maybe I need him too. I didn’t know…I couldn’t think clear because of the Cosmopolitans. We stayed in silence for some minutes. I bit my lip and without thinking it twice, I took his T-shirt and got closer to him. We both started to kiss passionately, his hands were holding my face and my hands were still grabbing his T-Shirt.
We stopped kissing to catch some fresh air and I think he was waiting for me to say something or do the next step. I kissed him again and this time he got completely close to me by pouncing on me.
‘Ed…Ed…’ I tried to say between the kisses, almost without breath. ‘People will… see us.’
‘Let’s go somewhere else’ he fastened up my seat belt, gave me a brief kiss, then fastened up his and started the car, driving as fast as possible to the nearest hotel.
He went out of the car to ask the receptionist if there was still free rooms. I saw him paying for the room and then he came again to the car and opened my door. It took us few seconds to get to the room.
______
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Invaded by you (Ed Sheeran)
Fanfiction"Lost in the future we had. It's over, it's over but I'll always be invaded by you" 3rd January 2014 I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I will never get tired of saying it. I miss waking up next to you, five minutes before you so I can watch you sl...
