Shrek's Sacrifice

Part 11 - Everything's Just Peachy

When the five stepped out, they came to a small clearing, different from where they were. Off into the far distance, they could see the Tri-State Area. 

"Hey! Bald Kid. You're our size now."

It was true. Baldjeet was now their size and he was still bald.

The Ghul could already imagine everything he wanted to do to Baldjeet.

Baldjeet was starting to feel uncomfortable. "I thought we weren't-" He stops mid-sentence as fog starts appearing all around them.

A woman figure shows up in the fog. When it steps out, it was a woman with a pink dress and golden hair.

"Hello, Mario." Mario's insides die.

"Holy shit! That's his ex!" Luigi points and laughs at Princess Peach.

"Uh... Hey Peach... How've you been?"

"How've I been? I've been fine, except, you know, I was trapped inside Dr. Bowser's castle for years!"

Mario winces. 

The Ghul looks confused. "Wait... You guys know each other? She's the friend I have in Olympus."

Princess Peach chuckles to Mario. "What did you think happened to me when Bowser died of kidney failure?"

Kidney failure? The Ghul thinks back to how he died. No. It couldn't be. Could it?

"But it is." Peach said, reading the Ghul's mind. "You are the very same Dr. Bowser that left me to rot in that place for years. Little did you know, I learned to harness my cumpower. I am an Olympian god! Now, I can kill you with Mario right here and right now." She turns to Mario. "I can do so many things now, Mario. Do you want to see?"

"Back off!" Luigi steps in front of Mario, his pants down and his ass pointed toward Peach.

"That's no ass, that's a dangerous weapon." Mario says, nodding to Luigi's ass, stepping back.

"Please. You don't think I can do that too?" Peach turns around and bends over, lifting her dress.

There was no way she was bluffing. There were two cannons pointed right at each other. It was all about who fired first now.

Mario gathers Shrek, the Ghul and Baljeet into a circle. "So, what's the plan?" He asks, looking around.

"The plan? I thought you'd have one." The Ghul says, terrified. "We have two nuclear warheads here. What the fuck are we supposed to do?"

Shrek remembered back when he was with Fiona, Donkey would try to turn Shrek on. He never once failed, of course, but he thought back to when Donkey once farted and started a pandemic. It was a trick that Shrek had picked up from him. He never once tried it, as another pandemic would simply be inconvenient. He'd yet to find a reason to use it. But he supposed now was good enough.

"Wait... She never attacked me when I was in the Tri-State Area." Mario says, thinking back. "Do you think... Do you think she can't go there? She could've easily killed me if she could."

"I... I think you're on to something." Baljeet says, putting a finger to her chin. "We can run to the Tri-State Area. But... We need a distraction."

"I'll do it." Shrek says.

"What?!" Baljeet looked confused.

"What are you going to do?" The Ghul asks, keeping an eye on Peach's ass. Just to see if it ever went off, of course. No other reason.

"I'm starting a pandemic."

"What?!" Everyone but Shrek says at the same time.

"I have to do it. It's the only thing that will stop her and the only way she'll be stopped." Shrek looked determined.

"Can't we be teleported?" Baljeet asks, looking at the Ghul. 

"Only works in Hell." The Ghul responds flatly.

"Then... I guess that settles it." Mario sighs. "It's been fun, Shrek. Not just now, but the entire time I've known you."

"Whoa whoa whoa." The Ghul interjects. "He's not going to die, is he?"

"A pandemic is a virus." Baljeet says, looking at the ground. "Not an attack."

"Wow..." The Ghul looks at the ground. "Hey... Baljeet about the whole... Eh, cum thing..."

"Don't worry about it." Baljeet says. "I never really liked Buford. Besides, he's the new Lord of Hell. I think in the end everything worked out for him."

The Ghul nods.

Mario sighs. "Alright. Affairs in order." 

The four of them step up to where Luigi was. "On my count." Shrek says, narrowing his eyes. 

Shrek squats down and prepares for the biggest and greatest gas excretion he'd ever done in his entire life.

Baljeet, the Ghul, and Mario prepare to run.

"3... 2... 1!"

Luigi quickly jumps to his feet and runs.

Shrek unleashes the pandemic.

Right out of his ass crack, millions upon millions of strains get released and tag onto Peach. Right at that moment, Peach kills Shrek with her ass cannon.

But it was too late.

In a few steps, everyone had reached the Tri-State Area. While Peach wasn't dead yet, she was marked for death.

It was... Shrek's Sacrafice.

The end.