Shrek's Sacrifice

Part 8 - What a Dickhole

Everyone walks past the onion, which was now completely dead and covered in suspicious mud.

"Do you know what's next?" The Ghul asks.

"No. I only conquered the Tri State Area after those stupid krabs showed up. I don't know what's after it." Shrek says.

"Well, I guess we're going to find out."

The five of them continue walking.

They eventually reach a wooden door. There was a giant hole in the place of a doorknob.

"What the hell is that?" The Ghul asks, looking around, expecting an answer.

"A door." Mario replies.

"I know, genius. But why is it there?"

"It's a door."

The Ghul sighs. "Forget it. How do we get past it?"

"I have an idea." Luigi says, a determined expression on his face.

"What is it?" Mario says, eyeing Luigi's fat ass

"What if it's a dickhole?"

"A what?"

"You know... Like a place where you put in your dick."

"I knew." Mario shakes his head. "I fucking knew it. You're disabled we need to put you down."

"Whoa whoa whoa." Shrek steps in front of Luigi. "Calm down. The idea's not that weird we don't need to kill him."

"Why are you defending him?"

Shrek shrugs. He had learned to fear Luigi's ass crack. 

Mario sighed. He hoped that would've been a good enough reason to kill him. It seems Luigi will live another day.

"Ok, so I guess now we decide who's going to stick their dong in there." The Ghul says, watching the door. "I think it's booby trapped. Not me."

"Not me." Shrek says quickly.

"Not me!!" Mario says with haste, looking back at a defeated Luigi.

"I guess it was my idea..." Luigi walks over to the door with heavy feet. He hesitates to slip his pants down.

"We already saw your ass, just show us your dick."

Luigi sighed. He didn't think he'd have to reveal his little problem to everyone so soon. Or, at all, really. "Ok, look... I-"

Before Luigi could finish his sentence, a giant mushroom appears to the right of Luigi, facing away from the door.

"Hello friends." The mushroom says.

Nobody says a word. Luigi prepares his ass cannon.

"No need to get tense. I'm not here to fight! I'm here, to send you all to Heaven." As he says the word Heaven, a rainbow turd squeezes out of Mushroom and hits the floor, sounding like a bomb went off. 

Everyone winces and the turd expands into a rainbow bridge.

"Follow the bridge, and you can go to Heaven." The sentence was dropped with a tone that really didn't sound like a joke.

"What?" The Ghul scoffs at the mushroom. "You're joking, right? We're going to Heaven? My ass."

"Just follow the bridge. Everything you could possibly want is at the other end." The Mushroom gestures wildly at the bridge to no avail. 

"I don't believe it. I'm staying here with this dickhole door."

"I want to go." Shrek says. Everyone gives him a strange look.