Inner Demons

11

As we walk up to the door, Ivan produces a key from his pocket. For as many years as we've worked together I still don't know how he does it. I enter first and punch in the alarm code. The light flashes green as he shuts the door. Safe.
"I'll take upstairs," he says. I walk down the hall, deeper into her house. The children's artwork and toys scattered throughout make it feel like a home. Like somewhere I shouldn't be without permission. I passively check in all the usual places-behind frames, in cabinets, and so on. I pick up the small ceramic blackbird next to Henry's school picture. My fingers brush a piece of paper taped to the bottom, which i peel off. On it is a long combination of letter and numbers. Her Integrity code. I scratch my ankle, slipping it into my shoe. I put the blackbird back and resume my search. As I dig through a desk drawer, I hear Ivan's heavy footsteps on the stairs and I rise to meet him.
"I take it you came up empty?" I ask. He grunts in response. "Eloquent as ever. I've got nothing as well."
"We've been here too long. Let's go."
I make sure to set the alarm before we leave, and he locks the door behind us. We duck into the van and speed off.

I step out onto the balcony of my apartment, cigarette and lighter in hand. I light it and inhale, seeing the faint orange glow. I reach down and pull the paper from my shoe, unfolding it. I take a long drag from my cigarette, contemplating the information it holds. I bring the end of the cigarette to the paper, watching the corner blacken and fall away. A small flame runs down the paper, erasing the numbers from the physical realm. As the flame nears my fingers I let go, watching what's left disintegrate in the air. I take one final hit, inhaling then blowing the smoke out as I drop the butt into my ashtray.

My phone lights up as I cook dinner, Emily's contact picture on the screen. I let the call ring for a bit before I pick up.
"Hey, how's the case?" I ask.
"It's about as awful as ever, but I was actually calling to ask you something."
"What's that?"
"There's this wedding a week from today that I forgot I had a plus one to, and I was wondering if you'd want to come with me?"
"Of course. Who for?"
"A friend from college. I can give you more details later, I really should get back. Just wanted to make sure I didn't forget."
"Perfect. See you soon?"
"Hopefully. Bye, Katie."
"Bye."

I walk out the doors of my apartment building and across the street to where Emily's car is parked.
"You look incredible," she says as I slide into the seat.
"Not as good as you," I reply, leaning over to kiss her.
"You ready?"
"Absolutely."
She pulls away from the sidewalk, locking the doors.
"You know, I've never been to a wedding before," I say after a few minutes.
"Really? Not one?"
"Nope. I don't really have a lot of family, and I've never been in one place long enough to make anyone's wedding list."
"Why's that?"
"You mean why don't I stick around?"
"Yeah."
"I guess there's never been anything that has made me want to stick around before." Also because I've never had a choice.
"Because you don't want there to be a something?"
"Oh no, I would love to have something to stick around for. It's just never been that easy."
"Right. So, if I asked you to stick around and see if I could be something that makes you want to stay... would you?"
"Are you asking?"
"What would you say if I was?"
"I would say there's nothing I want more." And I mean it. Leaving her in three months will be the most difficult goodbye I've ever had on an assignment.
"Good, because I want you to stay," she says, taking my hand. Her fingers lace in mine, and my heart sinks slightly as she smiles at me. I've always liked breaking hearts, it gives me a sense of power that my job has taken from me. But hers is one heart I don't look forward to breaking.