Inner Demons

16

She waves me through the door of an empty office of the BAU, shutting the door behind her. I lower myself into a chair, wincing as my bandaged cut folds. She sits down across from me, picking her fingernails as she makes eye contact.
"What the hell, Katya?" She asks. "You said I had to trust you before, and I was too overwhelmed to do anything but drop it. Now, you have two options. You either tell me what the fuck is going on, or Hotch will make sure you go to prison- for god knows what- because apparently I really don't know fucking anything about you."
"How much time do you have?" I ask.
"As long as it takes."
"Alright. I'm going to start from the beginning. I promise not to leave anything out, if you promise to try and understand. I know you can't forgive me, but it's important that you know why I've done everything I've done. But most importantly, I need you to acknowledge the danger that can come with me telling you."
She scoffs after the word danger, but nods and gesture for me to continue.
"Promise me, Emily."
"Fine, I promise."
"Thank you."

"Growing up in Russia, I never saw my parents for more than a couple days at a time. I had to learn how to be independent very early, as well as helping to take care of my younger sister."
"Cut it with the sob story and get to the point please," she demands. I ignore her remark and continue.
"But when I was 13, my parents came home for a full week. They spent more time with my sister and I than ever, helping us with schoolwork, cooking for us- really acting like parents. At the end of the week, they brought us into my dad's office, sat us down, and told us that we were of age to start following in their footsteps. We were told that a man named Ivan would be coming to help train us. They told us how important it was that we do well, and as an attention-starved child I took that to heart. The next day, they left again and Ivan came to our house. He was about 20, not that much older than me, but very intimidating to a 13 year old. He taught us hand to hand, trained us in various weapons, languages and accents, and so on. I worked nonstop to perfect my skills in the hopes that my parents would be proud of me, and on my 16th birthday Ivan told only me about The Organization."
"What organization?
"Just 'The Organization.' It's incredibly hard to describe because those who are a part of it are only allowed to know certain things that pertain to their role. The only people who truly know everything are The Committee and The Organization's overseer."
"Who is the overseer, and what's your role?"
"The overseer is someone called Sergei, but no one is allowed access to him. Even The Committee does not interact with him face to face. As for my role, it doesn't have a title. I simply am assigned different tasks which come to me through my handler and can take me all over the world. I get a very small percentage of the compensation for each task but even that small percentage can be hundreds of thousands of dollars, if we are talking US currency."
"What kind of jobs?"
"Mostly obtaining information, but occasionally more extreme things."
"So you're essentially a spy."
"I hate that word, but yes. To get on with the story, Ivan informed me that I would be formally inducted into the organization when I was 18. However, my parents died only a couple months later while they were on an assignment, and I was brought in early. I don't want to get into the specifics of what I had to do, but the idea is that they start you off with extreme assignments to desensitize you as well as to prove that you can handle a life within The Organization. I went the next 10 years doing everything I was told, but I became disenchanted with the idea of working for The Organization and I decided to quit. Ivan was my handler at this point, and rather than discuss it with him, I decided to request an appointment with The Committee. When I announced that I intended to quit, they told me if I tried to quit, or if I revealed anything about what I had been doing the past few years, they would kill my sister, and then me. I didn't take them seriously, but when I went home to warn her I found that she was missing. Ivan was the one to tell me that they had abducted her and the only way I could see her from then on was by doing what I was told."
"And you did?"
"I did. For the next six years I was a model employee, and completed all my missions with total objectivity. Then, about a year ago, I received an assignment that would take me to Quantico, Virginia."
"So you were here to spy on me? I can't believe I was so fucking naive. I finally opened myself to loving someone, and you were just doing a fucking job."
"My objective had nothing to do with you, Emily."
"So what? I was just a toy to you?"
"I initially picked you to help me get closer to JJ. My task was to get her code to the Integrity database. And yes, that's all it was from the beginning. That's how I've learned to get my way. But I've also never been in one place for as long as I was with you. And because I let myself lose objectivity, I'm the reason JJ got hurt."
"What did you do?"
"I found her code months before you found out I had been lying. I chose not to tell Ivan, and burned the evidence. I just wanted more time with you, and my selfish choice hurt someone I've come to consider a friend."
She stays silent, but the anger in her body language has lessened slightly.

"Once you found out I had been lying, I chose to remove myself from the assignment. That came with punishment from The Committee."
"What did they do?"
"I was given a mild punishment, but I also accepted Ivan's punishment for my failure. They don't like to make easily visible marks on their female agents, so they branded me on the soles of both of my feet."
She absentmindedly rubs her chest, in the spot where Doyle had branded her just a few years ago. At that point I consider bringing up her past with Doyle, reminded that our situations were too similar for her to be judging me. I know better though, and continue.
"A month later, after I finished a previous assignment, I was told by my new handler that I would be coming back to Quantico for an assignment. That was difficult for me, but it wasn't until I got to the location that I began to realize what was up. I was introduced to Michael Hastings, who's name I remembered from my previous assignment. So I texted Garcia. When she told me that JJ was in trouble, I sent her the location and told her to send you guys there. I went to find JJ, and that basically brings us to the parts that you know."
"Okay. Wow."
"And it probably won't be long before The Organization finds out what happened tonight, and they come for me. Now that Hastings and accomplices are dead, JJ should be safe. I plan on being far away before they find me, so no danger will come to you or the rest of the team. I'm so sorry Emily."
"Give me a minute," she says, getting up and leaving the room. The pit in my stomach grows as I watch her walk away through the window, wondering what my future holds.