Guess That Is How I Know You

Chapter XXXVI

May 7, 2018

Today was one of my final days as a law student. It had been the day Evelyn chose for me to defend my thesis.

I had a feeling Evelyn had picked a Monday morning so that Cecilia could not go. Lately it felt like Eve was doing more of an effort of making sure Cecilia and I stayed as nothing more than a rumor to everyone else, than Cecilia herself.

"Morning, love. How are you feeling about today?" Cecilia asked after waking me up with breakfast in bed, which was so very uncharacteristic of her, seeing as I was usually the one to do that.

"You're that worried I will screw up?" I joked seeing the overly elaborated breakfast displayed on a tray.

"I just wanted to do something especial since I was forbidden to attend." Cecilia had not exactly taken lightly to Evelyn's game plan. I was relieved she would not be there though.

I do not think I would have been able to deliver my speech otherwise. Even if she were my girlfriend, and we lived together, and I had seen the woman in nothing more than her birth suit, she still made me as nervous as the first time I was ever with her in a classroom.

"You know Eve's got a point. It would be too conspicuous if you showed up for me when you've never done that for anyone else." I said in between kissing her neck to try and get her to let it go.

She eventually gave up and we ate together in bed. Cecilia and I drove together to campus, which was a rarity these days, and it reminded me of all the times we had done that the year prior.

Even if Cecilia would not be there to attend my defense, it did not mean I would be left without support. My mother had been present to all my milestones and today was not going to be any different.

At some point, after my presentation and the professors respective grading, mom told me about how proud my dad would have been of me. I do not think I had ever seen my mother being as proud of me as she did this morning.

I really wanted to believe what she had said about my father, but I knew deep within myself he would not have even been in my life had he been alive.

My father was as homophobic as they came and although it saddened me to think like that, I knew the best thing to ever have happened to our relationship was his passing, at least this way, the thing that resembled our relationship managed to survive as a distant endearing memory.

So many things had crossed my mind last night and it had kept me awake for most of the night, although I was nervous about my thesis, it was the call I had received from one of the law firms I had applied to the week before which had infected most of my thoughts.

I had still to properly graduate, and pass the bar exam, but it did not stop them asking me to schedule a time to go over there for an interview next month.

I was too scared of what it meant for me.

Change was a concept my mind had a hard time grasping. I was never a fan of change, Cecilia had forced me to embrace it throughout these past two years—which is probably an understatement—, but still, to go from being a student to having a job and my own money was frightening.

I also feared even thinking what it meant for my relationship, but Cecilia made sure to put those worries to rest whenever I had enough courage to talk about them out loud.

She would often tell me everything would work out, and our relationship would not be an issue with whichever law firm I ended up at. I wish I could be as sure of it as she was. I only hoped they would give me a chance to show my worth regardless of who I was with.

Yesterday we were lying in bed, it was already late at night, but I could not sleep, my nerves were getting the best of me.

Cecilia stayed up with me, as we both talked about the places we would like to travel together once this semester was over—although I do not think we will be able to if I do end up getting a job.

The sense of certainty of having her in my life, and of seeing her planning hers including me in it was always reassuring, I do not think I would have been able to keep my cool over all these changes without this one constancy in my life.

Once I told her about the interview, she insisted on driving me to my interview, I think she knew knowing she was there for me would bring me some comfort, even if it meant she would most likely stay in the car.

As long as I have her to come home to, all these changes are not half as frightening.

Remi