Guess That Is How I Know You

Chapter XXXVIII

August 20, 2018

I wish I could say this time was different. But much like last time, I was caught off guard.

I was so happy I had gotten the job I wanted. I could not care less for the way the other applicants all sneaked judging looks my way as I sat at the waiting room. I did not mind that the Human Resource Manager had mentioned Cecilia's name during my interview.

I knew I was ready. I knew that would happen and there was nothing I could do about it but to show them my worth. As long as I had her to come home to at the end of the day, I truly did not mind the nasty looks, or the cold shoulder from the other first years.

But I do not have her to come home to anymore—not that it would have had stopped them from talking.

It did not take her long to gather her things and leave. I should have realized she was planning it all along.

For a week I woke up to an empty bed. But her sent still lingered. I could smell her all over my apartment.

I could hear her laugh whenever I got into the elevator.

I could remember the way she would mischievously steal a kiss or two before we each got into our respective cars.

I could recollect the first time we properly met whenever I went downstair to wash my clothes.

Only she was not there anymore. She had made sure to cut all ties with me. It was not enough to leave me. She moved somewhere else. Lucy said she had taken a sabbatical.

She was somewhere far away, probably making sure she erased me of her life for good. It would be easy for her to do so. Wherever she was, there would not be anything there to remind her of me.

But everywhere I looked reminded me of her. She was a ghost in my everyday life. I was tormented by the memory of her. Her face felt like it had been drawn with permanent ink in the back of my eyes.

At work it was not much better. I had decided to work with Family Law of all things, and every new case was a reminder that she was the one who had made me fall in love with Family Law. Every petition or settlement I wrote was dictated by her voice in my head.

The partners praised my commitment. With nothing left home for me to go back to I tended to be the last one to leave, working insane hours for the firm, not that they had asked me to.

My pears on the other hand seemed to only despise me more with every compliment I got. I was cast aside and with no one to talk to at the office I was left with no other choice but to focus on my own work.

It did not take long for one of the partners to ask me to be assigned to her. I was glad by the change in scenario. At least working directly with her meant I spent most of my hours at her office, away from the other first years.

Madelyn Andrews was a blessing in disguise. When HR first told me, I would be working directly with her I thought I had been cursed. Every single first year who had worked with her had been let go afterwards.

But Madelyn had seen a suitable use to my pain. She knew of me. Not only because of work of course. Someone had told her of my relationship, even if it no longer existed, all the other first years made sure to keep the rumors about my life going around the corridors.

Madelyn did not care much about it though. All that mattered to her was my performance. As long as my broken heart got me working after hours and putting on the extra work, she was pleased.

We did not talk much apart from my assignments and research for her cases. Her clients were often too rich and too discreet about it to want their cases to go public. Madelyn was the best of closing deals before they went to court.

Only once did she mention Cecilia. When she told me about how Cecilia had been the only one, she had lost a case to. Although I do not think she anticipated the aftermath of her statement. After my reaction to the name, she made sure to never repeat it again.

Cecilia had left because she was too scared to taint my career with our relationship, or so she claimed. But as soon as the semester started and the news of her sabbatical reached the other first years, they knew there was no important name backing me out anymore, and their attacks only worsened.

It was Madelyn the one to put an end to it. Once she got a whiff of what was going on, she made it clear that every harassment would be met with a resignation notice.

There was still the cold shoulder and occasional nasty looks, but no one dared messing with me after that.

She left so she would not have to carry the weight of our relationship with me. She left and I stayed to take it all by myself. She left and because of that I will make sure no one ever gets close enough to hurt me the way she did.

My pain will fade. The memories will fade. Even my love for her will fade with time. The only thing that shall never fade is my hatred for being made a fool three times in my life.

I wonder if she is feeling as insane as me. Is she feeling the agony like me? Is she drinking herself to sleep like me? Is she crying herself out of bed like me?

She is a bittersweet memory. She fills my waking mind with our deepest memories, and at night they all become terrifying dreams as I lie to myself in my sleep.

I only hope wherever she is, is somewhere close to hell. Like me.

Remi