Guess That Is How I Know You

Chapter XVI

August 5, 2016

My head had been a constant turmoil all week long.

I had bought a birthday gift to Cecilia, and even though I had it in mind that I should give it to her sooner rather than later, I kept making excuses to myself so I would not have to face the professor.

Evelyn was the only one who knew about my inside battles. And it was only because I had begged her to get me out of the mediation program, so I would no longer have to assist Cecilia.

She was disappointed I was risking my extracurricular performance just so I could avoid someone I used to have a crush on—her words. That was how I found myself having to explain to her, I was not that sure I was completely over her best friend.

"You better figure it out ASAP. It is one thing for you to have a crush on her while you were single, it is a completely different thing to still be crushing on her while you are committed to someone else." That was what she told me when I explained the situation.

And as I left her office, I heard her say something else that I am quite sure I was not supposed to, "I can't believe I keep having these same conversations with these two." I wondered when she had had that conversation with Cecilia.

Even though Evelyn had said I could not quit, I still found a way to keep myself from having to face Cecilia on Tuesday. I called in sick and hoped I would not get in too much trouble for that.

By Thursday I was quite proud of myself. I had successfully managed to avoid the professor. I did end up running into Lucy, on Wednesday when I was getting home from campus.

"I thought you were sick. But guess you are just sick of her?" I almost did not get what she meant by that when we met in the elevator, but then I figured Cecilia had told her about my absence the previous day.

"Is she mad? I hope not... I just didn't feel like facing her just yet." I was hoping Lucy would not press on the matter, and she did not—but that would have been better than hearing what she said next.

"She really needed you there. You should have known seeing couples argue for an hour wouldn't exactly be easy on someone who just got dumped the way she did. She was really looking forward to having you there to help her deal with everything." That hit a nerve and it made me feel as if I had been the one to break her heart.

I should have won the award of worst friend ever that afternoon—I should also win the one of worst girlfriend ever.

Cecilia was not the only one I was avoiding, in order to figure out what was going on in my head, and heart.

I kept making excuses for Kat not to come over. And I could feel she was starting to freak out with my sudden distancing.

My brain works in weird ways. And by that, I mean I have an extraordinarily strong sense of obligation. By Thursday that sense of obligation got me to figured out what I was supposed to do.

I would ignore whatever feelings I was feeling about the professor, because even if I thought my time had finally come, I had started a relationship with Kat, and I owned it to her to try to make us work.

It did not mean I could not still be friends with said professor though, right? I hoped not, especially because today I had decided I would stop avoiding both Cecilia and my girlfriend.

It would probably be best to start with baby steps. I left my apartment to go to my first period, with my belongings in hands, along with something else, the wrapped-up book I had bought the professor for her birthday.

But baby steps meant, keeping some distance still, so instead of just knocking on her door, I decided it was safer to do it in an environment where I felt like we both had to keep it safe.