Guess That Is How I Know You

Chapter XXIV

December 1, 2016

I wonder if people ever get that fear that they cannot change the tide that moves their lives around like it was gravity pulling them in.

I feel like I am drowning without any air left to breath, just there is no water around me, I am drowning in the pieces of myself she scattered around as she opened the door to leave.

Was I not the one that made her feel it all? And yet she left, and I did not know why, she left before I even got the chance to ask if she were ever mine, she left and all I could think about was how Miranda had been right.

Cecilia left.

What does it even mean though? Her leaving. What is she even leaving behind if we were never a real couple? We will still live at the same building, we will still have to see each other at campus, we will still have somewhat of the same inner circle. So, what does it mean for me then?

At least the semester was over, and I could avoid getting out of my apartment altogether, although it would only serve to remind me of her.

My sheets smelled of her, my couch reminded me of when she first acknowledged how she really felt, my kitchen reminded me of the time she cooked for me after I drunkenly called her.

Everything I thought of doing to escape the pain served only to find a way to remind me of her. After a while and without a plausible way to get her out of my mind I called the only person I thought might have a solution.

And even if a week ago it would have been an unimaginable choice for me to do, I decided there was only one person I could possibly talk about how I felt.

The only person who also understood what it was like to lose Cecilia Bailey. The person I desperately hoped had already figured out how to get the professor out of one's mind for good.

There I was, seating in a secluded coffee shop to which I had never been before as I waited for my last hope to show up.

The smell of brewing coffee and expensive pastry brought comfort to my chest, and for the first time since the professor had walked out my door it did not feel like my lungs were burning and my heart was being squeezed out of its primary function.

The comfort that place got me feeling was probably the reason why I disconnected from my surrounding, so much so I did not notice when the chair in front of me was pulled, or when the waitress came over, or even when whatever had been ordered was placed on the table.

"I figured I would let you have those few moments of peace before you were reminded why we are even here to begin with." Miranda's voice startled me after I had opened my eyes.

The pitiful smile on her face was one I had never seen before, and yet I felt like I would be seeing plenty of those from then on.

"I truly hoped I would be wrong this time, I wanted you two to work. For the first time I felt she had finally found someone worth the trouble." The doctor said taking a sip of her own coffee.

"So, you thought I brought too much trouble into her life?" I knew well enough that I did, but I honestly believed she had no idea about any of it—I could not be any more mistaken, though.

"You know, when she first asked me to clear my schedule to see one of her friends, it got me curious. I thought I knew all her friends, at least the ones that lived in the city, and yet there you were in front of me, an almost perfect copy of myself only twenty years younger, and at first that was all I could notice."

"But then, as I kept seeing you around something clicked and I decided to look over your personal file. I am not proud of that, I must admit. Nonetheless there it was, your mother's name." I had no idea what she was getting into, but even if I had tried to guess I would have gotten it wrong.