Guess That Is How I Know You

Chapter XXX

April 1, 2017

A year ago, I was a bundle of nerves about scoring enough to pass Cecilia's class. It is funny to think how much things can change in a year-time.

On Monday I had lunch with my mother and her boyfriend who used to be my mentor, and later this week I met with my former doctor, whom I had envied for so long just to end up on her shoes, dating the professor.

That realization in itself was enough to prove my point. I was, in fact, properly dating the professor. But before I can write more about that, I need first to go back to the doctor.

Miranda for some unknown reason to me, decided to entitle me with the best friend crown.

I guess it made sense seeing how Cecilia would no longer take her calls. I had seen Miranda's name popup once or twice, before the professor swiftly turned her phone off.

Had it been the year before I would have probably overthought the whole thing, but ever since confining on the doctor, we had built some sort of weird budding friendship.

I do not think many people would have understood the dynamic. The ex of my now rightfully girlfriend was going to me to mourn.

She would not say it, but I knew her complaints about her husband-or ex, these days I could no longer keep up-, starting seemingly unwarranted arguments with her had to do with her clearly not being over the professor.

Only I did not have it in me to resent her for her lasting feelings for Cecilia, not when I knew I would have been the same had I been in her place.

I often tried to make her realize the reason behind his outbursts, but she would swiftly brush it aside-I could never tell who she was trying to fool, but I think we both knew it was to no use.

Cecilia knew about my interaction with the doctor, and I think some part of her was glad Miranda had someone to confide to. They had been friends for so long, and even after years apart, and their outrageous fallout, the mutual care was still there.

Amy said I was getting too old too fast by surrounding myself with so many people my girlfriend's age-Yes, I am going to be the kind to throw the title around every chance I get, after all it was one hell of a ride to get here.

Although I think Amy was wrong. I like to think I am just getting wiser, after all, I do not believe many people my age would find themselves to be comfortable in a situation just as mine.

Miranda, on the other hand said I had to be a saint to deal with her mess after everything we had all gone through together. The truth was she was the martyr, she was the one suffering, she was the one with the front-row seat for her beloved's happiness with someone else.

I tried not to show Cecilia how drained I felt after my encounters with the doctor, but I think she could see right through me. In her eyes I could see the guilt was there, not the regret though, I think she felt guilty over not regretting making the doctor hurt.

I on the other hand, could not even muster the guilt, my happiness was too fulfilling, Cecilia was finally mine, she had put a name to it and because of that no toxicity was allowed inside me.

Girlfriend. What a stupid word that was. I could see what Cecilia meant by saying she felt the title was old-fashioned. But then again, I still very much loved the fact I could now use it to describe her.

After she told Lucy about how she had fled the city and left me behind with nothing but a broken heart she realized, apparently all on her own, that her reasons to do so were stupid to say the least.

So that day, as we sat on my couch, reminiscing our devious adventures, Cecilia confessed to realizing she had worried about all the wrong things, and given herself all the wrong reasons not to be with me.

She said and I quote, "I've waited all my life to go home, not to a place, but to the feeling, and the moment I found it I ran the other way. Some small-minded people tend to run from what makes them feel like themselves, and I don't want to be that kind of person any longer. I wanted to feel at home, and home is wherever I'm with you."

When we started kissing that night on my couch, I did not expect to be that kind of intimacy we would be sharing, but I certainly appreciated it.

After that night she decided to throw the title around every chance she got, it was not like there had been some formal request. She knew where I stood, and it was only a matter of her being comfortable being on the same page.

She became more affectionate and goofier in ways I would have never imagined the woman with the power-walk on my first day of Family Law to be like.

There is always a sweetness to going back to that memory. Remembering how she looked so sure of herself, with her life all figured out, the kind of person you think yourself becoming as you are growing up. And then to know the real person, the fragile one behind the strong facade. I felt I was let in on a secret greater than myself.

She was this whole other person most her students would never know about. But I knew. That person was mine to cherish.

She would suddenly hug me from behind while I was washing the dishes as she tried and failed to turn me around, and then she would pout and look at me with those big puppy eyes, for not being able to get what she wanted, only stopping once I gave in.

She often ignored the fact we were in Brianna's presence as she went for some sort of closeness. A sneaky hand resting on my back, or a shoulder rubbing against mine. Always a little too into my personal space, just enough for a closer look to realize the sort of intimacy involved in her gestures.

Brianna in return would pretend not to see and turn the other way, but I think it is fair to say we were all aware of it.

The professor would always lay by my side on the nights I slept at hers-which were becoming more and more frequent-and talk about the places she wanted to go with me, some old to her, others new. But more often than not she would have these sudden outbursts of romanticism.

"You know that song, Vienna, the one that says, 'you're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need', that one?" She asked once and I had half a mind to worry about those lyrics, but the feeling did not even have the chance to sink in, before she put it to rest.

"I had my passion, which is my job, and we both know I had more than enough pride to throw around, and now I see the song was right all along, you know?" she was on a line of thought completely her own, "I realized I could get what I wanted or just get old, so I chose to get old with you by my side instead."

"Jesus, Cecilia, you gotta choose some better openings for those random romantic moments of yours!" I said hugging her closer to me, in an attempt to sooth my thumping heart, "Also, that song is from before I was born, I think my dad used to sing along to it when I was a kid."

"That song is from the year I was born! Way to ruin the moment, asshole." She said hugging me back as her chest went up and down with her laugh.

And as I felt her cheek against mine, and her warmth all over my body, I realized I too would not mind getting old with her.

Those seemingly unimportant moments where becoming my new drug, and I realized soon enough I liked getting a fix more often than I would care to admit.

Remi