Guess That Is How I Know You

Chapter XVIII

September 1, 2016

It has been a few days since I ended things with Kat, I have not heard from her since, no surprises there though, apart from each other, we had nothing nor no one in our lives in common.

I was single but not the least bit less tormented.

Before I had been too worried about hurting Kat. Once we were over though, all my mind could seem to think was how I would be the next one to get hurt, and that was the main reason why I started to avoid the professor again.

I tried to stay away from Cecilia at least for the first couple of days. Amy noticed I was consciously pushing the professor away and did not mind pressing on the matter.

"I can't understand you. You broke up with Kat because you couldn't stop thinking about Cecilia. And now that you're single and the woman is still all over you, suddenly you want nothing to do with her?" She had a point, but I had two.

"She doesn't know Kat and I are over." Those blue eyes gave me an inquisitive look, basically prying the information out of my brain, "Stop looking at me like that, will you? I don't think it's fair for me to come to her about my breakup when I avoided her once I learned about Miranda."

But Amy knew me too well to believe that was all, "Fine. Also, I'm scared of getting hurt. What if I misread her? What if she just stops talking to me again like she did when she had succeeded on coming between Nay and I?"

I had let go of a good thing in hope of a great one, but what if instead of great what she did mean to me was impossible?

While I was talking to Amy a thought crossed my mind. Maybe I deserved to be scared, I deserved to be getting hurt by anticipation, because I had caused similar things on both Kat and Nay, and all because of my own feelings for someone else.

I had disregarded other people who had been nothing but great to me, for someone who might just not be worth it. And maybe that was the price I had to pay.

"Stop overthinking, I know that look. If you don't give her a chance to show you how she's gonna react, you might as well just quit now, because knowing you, you will drown in your sorrow by anticipation over something that has never even truly happened." Amy was right, she usually was when it came to anything regarding my love life.

We were on my bed and Amy was side hugging me to give me some emotional support while we talked. I was lucky to have a friend like her, she was the sister I never had, and even if she would go boy crazy sometimes, it never got in the way of our friendship.

That had been on Tuesday after I had gotten back from the mediation center. After my talk with Amy, I decided it was best to just tell Cecilia and be done with it. It was stupid to make such a big deal out of it, anyway.

I only had the two first periods on Wednesdays this semester, which meant I would be getting out the same time she would. I figured I would just pop up by her classroom to see if she wanted to go out for an early lunch.

I kept reminding myself to just chill the fuck out and not make a big deal out of it as I watched her through the open door.

While I waited, I noticed once again how much I missed her lessons. Even back when she was making my school life a living hell, her lessons were still the best moments of my weeks.

I loved how she would sit on top of her desks with her legs sort of crossed and her computer on her lap—I was also a little bit surprised that someone so clumsy was able to do that dressed on a pencil skirt and not make a fiasco out of that.

I loved how she was able to get excited over teaching the same thing every semester for almost ten years and still find it in her to make her students just as excited to be learning that.