The Devil's Backbone

14. Running Up That Hill

And if I only could

Make a deal with God

And get Him to swap our places

Be running up that road

Be running up that hill

With no problem

 

Harley

            I walked back to my house completely devastated. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I had taken the chance of letting him in, knowing that we would have a difficult relationship because of who he was but never once did I expect him to just leave. I knew that I couldn’t blame him; I mean he was protecting his family and I couldn’t get mad at him for it. But somewhere in the back of my mine, I wanted him to choose me instead of them and I felt like shit for that.

            I walked silently, staring up the stars.  I had asked Jason to hold off his leaving for a week, hoping that in that time, I could find something that would save him. Stop him from going. Maybe I could talk to my alpha or hire a private detective to find his uncle and maybe get some dirt on him. That way we could turn him into the police or something. Maybe we could even find something on his old alpha. So many things could happen in a week. Maybe I could even find the courage to go with him.

            That was another thing that made me sad. I would have at least figured that he would have asked me to go with him. Maybe it was too many love stories but in my head I figured he would beg me to come with him and his family and then we could be together with his family, away from the danger. But I knew Jason; I knew he wouldn’t allow me to drastically change my life like that. He wanted me to graduate and maybe go to college and have a life.

            Not for the first time, I wished that I could take his place. That I could carry the burden that he carried, the weight of protecting his family, of protecting me.

            I made it to my house some time later. I felt like I was sleepwalking as I walked through my kitchen and up the stairs, closing the door behind me. Even my room looked different to me, changed somehow. Like his presence here had made it better. I sat down on the bed, hugging the pillow that he had slept on close to me as I cried myself to sleep.

            When I woke up, my face was salty and dry with tears. Making a disgusting face, I got up and headed to the bathroom. Stripping quickly without looking at myself (I knew I looked like crap) I climbed into a hot shower. Standing under the stream of hot water, I let the tears fall again, hoping that eventually I would just run out. He wasn’t even gone yet.

            Ugh I needed to stop acting like a stupid teenage girl and get my shit together. I needed to make a list of all the things that I could discuss with Jason. I needed to make him stay; I needed to make him believe that he had a chance of getting out of this mess. That I could help him.

            Scrubbing my face and body, I got out of the shower as quickly as I could. I needed to talk to Beth first. When I had left her the other day, she was worried about me. I had told her that Jason had just wanted to talk but apparently I was the one who was wrong. I threw my notebook into my bag and hightailed it out of my room. Calling Beth on the way out, I told her I was on my way to her house.