One Last... Call

Daze

- Connor -

Letting go can be hard because it means letting go of aspects of your past – aspects of you. It also means letting go of your expectations of how things should have been.

Something that I've read on the internet a while back. Something that I remembered and should have tried doing. Part of me knew that I did, but a small chunk in my heart held onto something that I did want to fade away. So I buried it, deep in the most darkest, unreachable corner of my heart. 

But then it got dug up, yanked away all of a sudden, like a cannon ball launching through a barrel with a force far exceeding what one can handle. I can't say I don't want it, but I guess I don't want to deny that either.

Jace pulled away from our kiss, when he realized that we were not supposed to be doing that. He pushed me away with all his strength in disgust.

"C-Connor..." He whimpered. "This is wrong. No. Please don't do this." He backed further away from me, making each step like a big leap. "I don't want this."

Then it hit me. This must what Dale had felt like that time. This felt surreal. I cannot really explain this. And I knew this is bad.

"I'm not asking you to do this Jace. I just... I don't know." Now I'm being miserable, no worse than that. 

"If you want us to talk then we can talk. If you want us to be friends, sure we can. But I don't want to ruin someone's happiness just because I wanted something or someone for myself. That's too selfish of me already." He still hadn't moved from his position. 

"Connor, please don't be mad. I don't want you to be mad at anyone, or even at yourself." Jace took a few steps closer to me.  "Please don't hurt yourself for wanting someone to love you. And I don't think I am capable of doing that."

It was the truth though. No matter how I wished deep in my heart that I want Jace, it won't ever happen.

"Then why show up out of nowhere?" I asked, angrily.

"What do you mean why show up out of nowhere?" He returned the question.

"I... Don't worry about it." I spun around and walked away, at least I tried to. Jace reached out his hand and grabbed my arm.

"Wait." His voice almost sounded like he was begging. "Wanna come over to my flat?"

I'm not really sure if this was the best idea so far. Would I really care? Maybe. Do I feel like something bad was gonna happen? Possibly. Me and my ex in the same room together, alone. What could possible go wrong? Note the sarcasm on that, if it wasn't any obvious at all.

I nodded to Jace and he nodded back. No need for words to express what my answer would be, our eyes just met and we knew almost instantly. He dragged me through the crown to the other side of Uni where he parked his car, then we hopped in. 

I slouched back on the passenger seat, even though the windows were tinted. I just don't want anyone would recognize me. 

The drive took almost five minutes from Uni. Luck was in our side since the streets were mostly clear. Jace kept on stealing glances at me, a smile crept on his face as soon as he parked his car at their driveway.

We got out of his car and we both hurried inside his flat. No one was home and I would still expect them to be at Uni or somewhere else, not that I really care about it.

Once the door was shut behind us, I grabbed Jace by his arm and swung him around so he would face me, our lips collided at that moment. It was rough, hungry, desiring. It was not as passionate as Dale's, it was more ecstatic, no more than that. It was missed, addicting.