The Missing Petal

KABANATA 12

MS. LJ

JUSTICE

It is in our human nature to seek justice if the justice itself can not give it to us. But what can we do if we can't fight for justice? We need to fight injustices instead. You need to make them see the right, do the right, and learn what is right. You need to play fair, if that's what they call it.

It is not too late to seek justice. I know that it's been a year since that incident happened, but I also know that I can still give her what she deserves, and that is–justice.

What does it take to be a mother?

Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin masagot ang tanong na 'yan, they say, as a teacher hindi lang basta mga estudyante ang tinuturuan mo, kundi mga anak mo. You treat them as your own child, you teach them, punish them for doing something wrong, and lastly, you love them as your own.

I asked myself again and again and again. Am I doing the same thing now? Is this what it takes for me to be a real mother? Seeking fairness in this unfair world.

Tumingala ako sa madilim na kalangitan at pinunasan ang aking pisngi na kanina pa nababasa ng luha. Alam ko na lahat sila ay nakatingin sa 'kin, kaya naman minabuti ko ng mag salita ng hindi pa rin lumilingon sa kanila.

"She was my only hope, but with a blind eye you took my hope away from me," I uttered as I silently sobbed. Inabot ng kamay ko ang mga bituin, umaasang isa siya sa mga 'yon. "By all your lies, you take her away from me."

"Hindi lang ikaw ang nawalan, LJ!" sigaw ni Clavid na ikinatawa ko. "Bakit, sino pa ang nawalan? Ikaw? Bullshit!"

"Nasaktan ako, LJ! Nasaktan ako ng mawala siya, hanggang kamatayan ba ilalayo mo pa rin siya sa akin," he said, his voice is nearly breaking.

"Hindi mo siya deserve makasama, Clavid" mahinang usal ko ng dumausdos na naman pababa ang mga makukulit na luha.

"Hindi namin kayo maintindihan! Pwede ba? Mag paliwanag naman kayo, pakiusap," Naguguluhan na sabi ni Maisie, humarap ako sa kanila at tinignan isa-isa ang kanilang mga mata.

I need to be fair, right? Alam ko na ang mga sekreto nila kaya kailangan na rin nila malaman ang sa akin. Huminga ako ng malalim bago mag salita.

"Lilyanna Jale R. Lamante," panimula ko na siyang kinagulat nila. "That's my real name. I don't like my father that much kaya I always used my mother's surname, Ruiz."

"No freaking way..."

"I was in third year of high school at that time. Fifteen years old, still unfamiliar with how life works. Unplanned, pinagbuntis ko siya," I told them, looking back to the days when my life started to go downhill, "Still ignorant, still a child, but I already had an unborn child inside me."

"W–what... what about the father?"

"Father? The father? Yeah, where's the father? Where were you Clavid?" nangingising tanong ko kay Clavid na ikinagulat na naman nila.

"Ano ngang sabi mo? Isa kang guro at estudyante mo lang ako? Kathang isip ko lang 'yung mga sinasabi ko? Yeah, you're right Clavid because up until now I'm still imagining that I'm still with her! That I'm still holding her!" I said, the tears flowed freely on my face. I felt my chest tightened, my breathing became slow, and my heart ached.

"Tapos ngayon sinasabi mo na nasaktan ka ng mawala siya? 'wag ka ngang mag patawa, hindi ka nga naging ama sa kanya! At anong sabi mo ulit? Guro ka lang at estudyante mo lang siya!"