NÁNHÁI

1 9 n e e t e n i n

| N I N E T E E N |

kun

When the morning broke in, Yian found himself in his own room. It was a surprise how he wasn't in the Wang Mansion anymore but what had more so caught him off guard was the fact that he had most probably spent the whole night alone.

In the kitchen, Xiao Zhan was busy preparing their breakfast. After everything that'd gone down you could expect him to be noticeably lost, deep in his own world he should be messing things around but contrary to everything mentioned, he was behaving pretty normally. For a working man with a kid when even a breath of rest would be a lot asked, sadness really wasn't the best excuse.

Yian rubbed his eyes and staggered outside. The kid would get extremely hungry in the mornings so often Xiao Zhan would carry him to the kitchen and feed him some snacks; today however even after seeing him walk out the man acted as if he didn't.

He held out some freshly cut apples and placed them on the table. Yian's mouth was slightly open, still half asleep he nonchalantly glanced at his snacks before walking right over to the man.

He only wanted his Papa for now.

Xiao Zhan was already back to work. When Yian rubbed his head on the other's thighs, he almost jumped. That wasn't expected.

Unlike himself the kid had long left the happenings of yesterday, it'd be fair to say that he didn't even remember how his Papa had been really mad at him.

"Papa" he called.

Deaf, the older wished.

He didn't have the heart to act cold but he also couldn't afford to coddle. The man wasn't angry and staying disappointed would only hurt but no matter how he looked at it, even if he were to forgive, it'd take quite some time to forget.

Yian would frequently make mistakes, toss him off like he meant absolutely nothing, and then run over to apologize. Things weren't as easy as they seemed. A word wasn't enough to heal the amount of pain he'd gone through.

As a parent, he wasn't supposed to be this way but Xiao Zhan was only so young; unloved, and scarred, he was sorry but he wanted to be felt sorry for too.

Yian watched his Papa stare expressionlessly to the front. Blinking in uncertainty, he called again, "Papa"

Without a question, what he hated the most was silence.

Yian had spent almost all of his childhood cooped within a soundless shell. When Xiao Zhan would be out to work, he'd have no choice but to leave the little one alone, without his mother what better could a toddler do? Inside that quiet apartment, he'd drag himself around, searching every corner for that smiling face, he'd cry and cry but except for the resounding silence, nothing would greet him. Tired, he would woefully sniff into his Papa's pillow. At an age where one couldn't even stand straight, Yian would daily cry himself to sleep.

The boy was too young back then, he didn't remember the details but he could faintly remember that feeling.  After a long time, the same void was hitting his form. Every inch of his flesh seemed so familiar with that ache yet it felt so foreign; as if it had always been there but actually also hadn't; the kid was confused, he was traumatized.

"Papa" Yian mumbled, "Did I sleep alone?"

Xiak Zhan's chest tightened. He couldn't help but want to look over.