𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲

chapter 16

A/N: This one is pretty emotional, we finally find out EVERYTHING about Y/N's past :(

WARNING: Bullying, suicidal thoughts - please DO NOT read if you're uncomfortable.
P.S. If anybody needs someone to talk to, I'm always here :]

The two of you stop at a park on the way back, sitting down on one of the benches in silence. Neither of you say anything; you're quiet because you don't know how to start explaining your situation to her, and Jugyeong is still in shock from the state she had seen you in earlier.

"I'm going to tell you something I've only ever told one person before, okay?" you say, not looking up from the ground. She looks over at you in curiosity.
"I was bullied a lot in my old school, that's why I moved here."
"You?" she gasps in shock at your words, because how can you be an outcast when you're so pretty?

You know what she's trying to suggest, so you shake your head.
"I guess that's why they hated me, I never really knew," you say, shrugging your shoulders. "As soon as I joined, people liked me. But then we had a musical at school and I was chosen to do a solo, and that's when the bullying started."

"But why?" You shrug again, because that's something you never really understood yourself. You had always been shot down for your singing, so you grew to become incredibly insecure about it. The only people who know you can sing are your mother, Seojun, and now Jugyeong.

When you sing you let yourself relax, you feel all of your worries wash away and all of your fears are forgotten for that short period of time. But you become vulnerable as a result, and your bullies practically fed off that. They recognised how talented you were and it irritated them. You'd guessed it was just a petty scheme to prevent you from becoming more popular than they were.

"They attacked me, threatened me, and they just wouldn't leave me alone until I agreed to give up the solo. Eventually I did, because I was just so afraid of what would happen if I'd been stubborn and continued to do the solo despite their warnings. I thought they'd stop after that, but it just got worse."
"So the reason you were so scared when helping Gowoon..." You nod.

You didn't want Gowoon to give in like you did, because not only did you become afraid of your bullies, you became afraid of singing too. You grew to fear one of the only things in the world that brought you peace and happiness, and you didn't want her to have to go through the same thing. If you had the confidence to stick up to those bullies in the first place, you would probably be in a completely different place right now.

"After that, things just went downhill from there I guess," you say, "eventually I grew to become insecure about everything, not just my singing. They made me hate myself, they bullied me for being the girl with a sick mother and having no other family. They said that I was the way I was because I hadn't been raised correctly when I grew up, because I had to be the one to take care of my mother instead."

"I once heard someone in my old school saying they bullied me because they were jealous, but I doubt that's true. They said that it was because I had everything - the looks, the grades, the talent - without even needing to try. But they had to work really hard and still couldn't measure up. So instead they bullied me to make me look weak and to try to prove that they were better than me."

You never believed it, though, because why would the popular girls go through all the effort when they already had all the fame from the start? It just didn't make sense to you.

"I went home with bruises, bloody noses, rips in my clothes, and they even threw hot coffee all over me once," you explain, showing Jugyeong the scars on your arms and legs that had been left behind from the incident - for the most part the burns were gone, since your uniform protected most of your skin, but there were still a few small marks left after all those months. Seojun had almost burst into tears when you showed them to him, and Jugyeong wasn't any better.