Count On Me: The Luck

1: The unLUCKy FOUR

"I hate you from the bottom of my guts and my freaking soul! Get lost!"

"Ha! Why do you think I would go out with such a loser slash a weirdo like you huh!? Wake up girl coz YOU ARE A TRASH! and oh by the way, could you just stop sending me letters? ang cheap cheap mo! You're so pathetic, you freak!"

"Ito ang tatandaan mo.. HINDING HINDI KITA MAPAPATAWAD! Never! kahit umiyak ka pa ng dugo at magpakamatay sa harapan ko right now I don't give a damn you criminal!"

These words are still hunting me, it kept on repeating over and over again! I just can't do this anymore, I'm so broken and useless...

Why do I have to be like this, my Best friend is right, I am a loser.

I am bawling my eye out tonight while I am looking outside my room's window. The sky is dark and I can't seem to find any stars to atleast tell me that I'm not alone.

Buong buhay ko palagi akong nagtatago sa dilim, I grew up being an outcast. But one day I tried to get out of my shell and befriend someone, she was so kind, so sweet and was very thoughtful of me. She would always say good things just to make me feel good about myself, she would always comfort me whenever nalulungkot ako.... But because of that accident, she just left me throwing every hurtful words to me as if we never shared any good memories together.

Ang sakit sakit kasi I treated her as my sister, my other half and I love her so much pero bakit ganito?

"Well I guess I am meant to be like this, I don't deserve to have anyone by my side." Bulong ko sa sarili ko habang pinupunasan ang mga luha sa pisngi ko.

Napalingon ako sa may bandang kanan ko at narinig ang tatlong katok mula sa pintuan ng kwarto ko.

"Fourienn? Dinner's ready na anak, let's eat!"

"Okay mom! Coming!" I cheerfully answered while wiping my tears immediately coz I need to face reality.

I am Fourienn Luck Cruz, ang babaeng May pangalang maswerte pero malas at walang saysay ang buhay...

"Nandyan na ba ang Ate nyo? Wala muna kakain hanggat hindi pa tayo kumpleto kids" rinig kong paalala ni Mom sa mga kapatid ko.

Panganay ako sa mag kapatid, may two younger siblings pa ako and we only have our mom beside us three kasi Papa died when I was 14, that was five years ago, due to a car accident which is why my mom's have been blind since then.

She's a super sweet and a caring mother. Gusto nya parating patas ang lahat saming magkakapatid and she loves us very much to the point that she would not buy her med maintenance just to provide for us na recently ko lang nalaman. Never ko syang nakitang nagreklamo at nawalan ng hope kahit na ganyan ang kalagayan nya, she's one of the bravest and strongest person na nakilala ko. How I wish I'm more like her...

"Ate Rienn naman ang tagal mong bumaba were hungry na ano ba!?" Pagrereklamo ni Ahtenna, Ahtenna Louisse Cruz, kapatid kong bunso na ubod ng daldal. She's 15 and she's the total opposite of me. She's the cute and lively version of me tho we do look alike as what other people are telling us.

"Oo na oo na eto na nga diba po" sagot ko habang natatawa tawa pa.

Binalingan ko naman ng tingin ung isa ko pang kapatid na si Dussix, makahulugan itong nakatingin sakin na para bang nagtatanong kung bakit ganito ung mata ko kaya nginitian ko nalang sya para hindi na sya magtanong at ng hindi malaman ni mama.

Kung si Ahtenna and lively version ko, Dussix' the calm and collected version of me. Sya na ang tumayong father figure samin mula noong nawala si Papa kahit na mas bata sya ng 2 years kaysa sakin. He's always there for us and he's very protective of us because that's what Papa told him before he passed.

Nagstart na kami kumain, as usual nagkukwentuhan at nagtatawanan kaming apat sa kadaldalan ng bunso namin. Tumatawa ako at nakikisali na para bang hindi mabigat ang nararamdaman ko. I am a very good actress I guess...

Close ako sa mga kapatid ko lalo na kay mama pero hindi ko alam kung bakit sa ibang tao ay hindi ko ito magawa, I am an introvert sabi nga sa mga nababasa ko online and mga napapanood ko sa youtube.

This is not my choice, I wanted to be like those other people out there na parang ang dali dali lang magkaroon ng friends, I wanted to become an extrovert para naman ma-feel ko din na I belong to them, na I fit in din pero mahirap e, everytime na tina-try ko ay bigla nalang akong sasalubungin ng kamalasan. May luck sa pangalan ko pero sa life ko? Mukhang walang wala.

"Akyat na ko sa taas ha, kayo na maghugas ng pinggan, May kailangan pa kong tapusin eh, okay?" Bilin ko sa kanila na tinanguan naman nito kahit na may pagkamot pa sa ulo.

"Ate Rienn, usap tayo?" Biglang tanong ni Dussix bago pa man ako makahakbang sa hagdanan.

"Huh? Sige bakit?"

"Ayos ka lang ba? Pansin ko kasi na pugto yang mata mo, umiyak ka ba?" Pabulong na tanong nya kasi baka marinig ni Mama.

"Ayos lang ako Duss,at hindi ako umiyak no antagal ko kasi nakatulog kanina kaya namaga ung mata ko, alam mo naman sensitive ako HAHA" yan nalang ang sinagot ko kasi ayoko na sya mag alala at para narin hindi ko na kailangan magpaliwanag at saktan lalo ang sarili ko.

After kong tapikin ang balikat ng kapatid ko ay sumulyap ako sa mama ko na nakaupo sa couch habang pinepet si Dough, ung aso namin, at napangiti nalang ako bago nagbitiw ng isang malalim na buntong hininga at muli ay naglakad patungo sa aking kwarto.

Balak ko na tapusin ang lahat ngayon, ayoko na e. Masyado na kong nalulunod sa pain na nararamdaman ko kaya dapat lang na tapusin ko na lang habang maaga pa. Ito na ang huli, at sana nga ay ito na ang kasagutan...