Brooklyn Baby

Chapter 10

Song Suggestion : Something by The Beatles

Jason P.O.V

I try to ignore the sudden cold that hits my body as I step out of the bus. Lars is so busy fucking shit, and I needed some fresh air to breath so I decided to take a litte walk around.

I huff my shakey breath and stop walking nowhere. Jason, Calm down. I look at the sky, so dark and beautiful. So powerful and full of mystery. So cold, yet so loved and wanted. I mentaly smack myself 'cause I know who Im talking about. Not the fucking sky, but The Mighty Het. Im so damned right? Im so ruined to undrestand that Im attracted to him not only physicaly, but mentaly too. I hate myself for it, I truely do.

All this time I tried my hardest to take everything easy and keep the band satisfied, trying to make them accept me and let me be part of the music. To let me be part of the closed fist. Now beside my fucked up situation in Metallica's business, I have also developed a crush on the lead singer. I don't even want to imagine James or Lars' reaction. I know what it is. It's the same old "No faggs in the band" shit.

I sigh so loud that I think everyone in this damn country heard it. My cheeks flush when I remember about what happened earlier again. I've seen all of the band naked, hell I've seen a lot. But this was different.

He opened the door and there he was, naked as the water roamed each inch of his skin, his hair sticking on his shoulder. And there, he was staring at me. I couldn't handle the rush of warmness pumping in my blood, making me want to run and hide from all of the world. Like a 12 year old girl. So as I walked outside the shower I tried my best to hide my burning cheeks from the crew.

I shake of the memory and light a cigarette. I know I need to stop pretending everything's fine and sure do not have a crush on James. But it's hard, I just can't kill my feelings with him being around all the time. I know it's no use, but I can't stop wondering what's behind the cold shell of his eyes. I want to know him more, I want to know what's lying inside.

A bitter laughter leaves my mouth. He dosen't even care about me. Maybe he does, but only as a band member and nothing more. And ofcourse he hates all the gay shit. And to be honest, I can't blame him. Im not an intresting person.

I shiver as it's getting colder. Shit I need to go back to the bus and if Lars isn't done with his shit, Im going with the crew. I shake the dust on my trousers and start walking towards the bus.

I regret my whole life when I see James standing out of the bus, staring at nowhere with a cigarette between his parted lips; Breathing heavy as he shakes the half empty bottle of Jake Daniels in his hands. I sigh, he's drunk.

I notice the cig in his mouth isn't lighted and he's trying to focus on something in distance. Drunk James can be so dumb. I smile at the sight and reach to him.

"Need a lighter?" I say calmly not to scare him. He looks at me and blinks two times. I take my hand out of my pocket and light his cig. He takes a drag and huffs it out as he sits down, his back leaning on the bus. I do the same.

"Why're you out?" James asks in a low voice.
"Needed a walk. besides, Lars is uh you know." I say as I play with the lighter in my hands. "What about you?" I say looking at him.

"Same thing." He responses and streches his hands tiredly and starts laughing suddenly. I tilt my head to him. He drops his cig as he continiues laughing.
"What?" I say smilling uncontrolably.

"I..don't..know." he says broken between laughing. I can't stop myself from laughing at the view. We laugh with no reason like two wierdos. When his drunken laughter finishs, he moves his hand to drink some more. I stop him and take the bottle from his hand.