For Better or for Worse (Stucky)

Yours

Trigger Warning: (Implication of) Self Harm

More weeks passed and things were still tough. There were days where they'd dance some more, cook together and Bucky would smile at Steve a few times. Steve would always cherish these small moments immensely and drop anything he was doing when Bucky was doing well because he knew that it wouldn't last.

Because then there were the other days again. Worse days. Where Steve would be up for hours already and Bucky wouldn't have exited his bedroom -Steve's old office- until noon -if he did at all-. It didn't take long for Steve to learn to leave him alone on those days.

The first time it'd happened, he was sick with worry. They had had a great evening the day before, they'd made dinner together and Steve was teaching him to play chess. Bucky had laughed at him when he'd managed to take one of his pawns just to have Steve take over his knight minutes later, causing him to pout at Steve jokingly -gaining back his humor slowly but steadily-.

Next morning, Steve started the day as usual, realizing Bucky hadn't shown up yet but figuring he'd just decided to sleep in. But as the first hour went by, he got worried. After two, he decided to knock on his door. „Bucky? You okay?"

There was no reply and Steve pushed his ear against the door, sighing a bit with fear. „Buck? Are you here?"
Again, he was greeted by a draining silence as a heavy feeling settled in his stomach. Had Bucky left? „Bucky?" He asked again, slowly pushing down the door handle and entering the room.

The room was rather dark, the blinds not raised but the sun was shining bright outside, so some light still fell in. Bucky was on his bed, breathing heavily as he stared at Steve in the doorway, his eyes wide and alert and so... not Bucky.
„Hey Buc-" Steve started gently but was cut off as Bucky started trembling. „Get out!" He yelled, his voice deep and determined.

„B-Bucky... You haven't left your room all day I jus-" Eyes widening, Steve barely dodged the water glass that Bucky hauled at him. As he looked up at Bucky, mouth wide in shock, he saw anger in his face and hatred glistening in his eyes as the glass shattered on the wall behind him. That wasn't his Bucky, Steve was sure. He was having some sort of relapse, a flashback maybe.
„I SAID GET OUT!" Bucky yelled at him, grabbing his water bottle and throwing it at Steve as well, trembling as he did so, his face distorted with anger and aggression. „GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"

Steve's face was overran with sadness as he saw Bucky like this, really not wanting to leave him in this erratic state. „Bucky please I can help you. I'm always here to help y-"
The next thing that flew towards Steve was Bucky's notebook, landing on the floor outside the door as Steve dodged it. „I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" Bucky bellowed and got off his bed, approaching Steve, steps heavy on the floor as he raised his metal arm, his hand clenched in a fist.
„O-Okay! Okay." Steve gasped as he stepped backwards and closed the door, trembling.
God, he felt awful. The look on Bucky's face, a look of pure hatred and anger that just wasn't him. How he'd seemed ready to attack Steve right there and then.

He jumped once more and tears made their way into his eyes as Bucky banged against the door, yelling loudly „AND YOU BETTER STAY OUT IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU!".
Steve inhaled shakily as he ran a hand over his face, trembling. He was scared, yes. Terrified. But he knew this wasn't his Bucky. Whatever he was going through, he didn't want this. Steve could tell.

But the thing he was worried about was that it wouldn't pass. That whatever had caused him to have this flashback ruined all the progress they'd made together. Because even if things weren't perfect -hell, they weren't even good most of the time- Bucky had never looked at Steve like this since he'd gotten there. Even when he had bad days, he'd just snap at him once or twice before calming down or retreating to be alone. Maybe he'd be scared of him, flinching if Steve moved unexpectedly. But he'd never looked at him like he hated him. Like he wanted to kill him.