Andante con Brio

XIX

He had no idea how long they had been standing there for, but when he let Brett go his breath was calmer and his eyes were dry. He stepped away, putting all of his weight on his own two feet again, breathed deeply and steeled himself. 
He had been an idiot, for letting himself go like that. But he was going to promise himself right now that there was to be no more of that; no, from now on he was going to be strong and powerful. 
Because this was everything he had ever wanted, wasn't it? So no way he was going to let himself fuck this up. 
"Thanks for coming early, Bretty. I hope... I hope that wasn't too much of a fuck-up."
Brett smiled softly. 
"Do you remember what I was like when I auditioned for the con last year? I was ready to come here at any time."
Eddy looked out of the window at the shimmering heat of the air. Yeah, he did remember that, like it was yesterday. But that was different, surely. He knew what to expect, now. He should be able to handle this.
"Come on then." Brett's sweet voice came from behind him. "Wanna try that scale again?"
"Yeah."
Eddy breathed deeply, picked up his violin again and started on the wretched three octave scale. 

The bus seemed to take longer than ever, today, letting people on and off at every damn stop, stopping in front of absolutely every traffic light. 
Eddy knew it made no difference either way - they had left themselves plenty of time to get to the con, they could walk there in time in fact - but it was making him even more edgy. And he had to pee. Again. Like, real bad. Even though he had gone right before they left the house. His mum had given him one more of those weird tight smiles and given him a tiny wave from the kitchen door before he closed the front door behind him.
He still hadn't figured out what to say to her, but that would just have to wait until after the audition. He hadn't even told Brett yet about what had happened last night, about how his mum had come into his room and gently coaxed him to sleep like he was eight years old again. He would tell him, of course. Just... not quite yet, not right now when he didn't even know what he thought about it himself. Words seemed to be hard anyway, this morning, like they had all packed up and taken a leave of absence to somewhere obscure. Like he was looking at the world from the outside in through smokey mirrors, not quite belonging in it or anywhere else.  

The brick building with its red details looked the same as ever, but for some reason it seemed ominous, today. Eddy heaved a big sigh as he stepped onto the pavement after Brett. Brett's face was open, and kind, and Eddy loved him even more today than he had before for simply being there, for sitting with him through this. He knew very well that Brett was skipping several theory classes to be here, but he would have plenty of time to feel guilty about that later.
After. 
"You know you'll rock this, right?" Brett said suddenly. It was the first time they had spoken since they had gotten on the bus. "You're better now than I was last year, I'm sure of it. And I sailed in."
"I hope you're right." Eddy replied hoarsely. 
He stepped into the building without a backwards glance and walked right up to the desk. 
"Hi, I'm Eddy Chen, I'm auditioning today."
The grey haired woman behind the desk gave him a sympathetic smile. 
"Hi, Eddy. I've seen you before here, right? I'm sure you'll be just fine. Here, take room 104."
He forced his lips to smile back as he took the proffered key. Then he checked to see that Brett was still there and almost ran to the stairs to get to the practice room. It was too crowded, here. Too many students milling about, belonging here, while he didn't. Not yet. He needed some peace and quiet so he could gather himself. 
And Brett. Yeah, he needed Brett more than anything else in the world.