broken trust | k. o'reilly [ON HOLD]

[ nine ]

Pizza gets here around 5:30. Troy joins us again for pizza when it arrives. All of us sit in the living room and we watch some matches on the WWE Network. Troy asks to watch the match where Roderick wins the North American title. So we watch the match while we eat our pizza.

I'm getting pizza from the dining room and someone walks in. It's Adam. He says, "I'm glad you decided to stay. I know how hard it may be for you with Kyle here and everything."

"As long as I don't talk to him," I sigh, putting a slice of pepperoni pizza on my paper plate. "Every time we talk, it ends up with us fighting."

Adam grabs a slice for himself and he says, "This is going to be a really long shot but how about just starting to forgive him. I'm not saying completely forgive him but stop bringing up his cheating on you in every conversation you have with him."

I turn toward Adam and I say, "If Britt cheated on you multiple times, would you forgive her or stop bringing up her cheating on you?"

He takes a bite out of his pizza and says, "If it meant stopping the fight before it happens, yes. I wouldn't forget what she did but I'd try forgiving her so every conversation doesn't end with a fight."

Adam has a good point. I've spent four years holding in all this anger and hatred toward Kyle. I've told myself all this time that I would never forgive him for what he did to me. Maybe it would be for the best if I start trying to forgive Kyle. Maybe it'll stop ending with us in a fight.

After thinking for a second, I look at Adam and ask, "Can you go grab Kyle for a second and tell him to meet me out back?"

He nods and walks off. I leave my plate on the dining room table and head to the backyard. I stand on the deck that overlooks an in-ground pool and trampoline.

The sliding door opens and closes then I hear footsteps behind me. I sigh and say, "I'll never forget what you did to me."

"I know," Kyle says behind me. "All I ask for is your forgiveness so we can stop fighting and we can be friends."

I look back at him and I say, "I'll never forget what you did to me but I've been considering forgiving you. You have a lot to make up for and a lot to prove but maybe one day, I can completely forgive you."

A sigh of relief leaves Kyle's lips and he says, "Thank God. I can work with that."

Turning to him, I say, "I'm tired of us fighting every time we talk. Every conversation we've had has ended in a fight and I'm tired of it. That's why I'm considering forgiving you. That's it."

Kyle says, "I'll take what I can get at this point. I, um, do want to apologize. I probably have taken things a little bit too far with you recently. I do want to apologize for that and I do want to say that I really enjoyed being with you like that, Rylee. It's been too long and if you can manage to forgive me, I wouldn't mind doing it again."

I stare up at him while he talks and I wait until he's done speaking to say, "It's okay, Kyle. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy it either. Maybe one day we can do it again. You know me. It's never just about sex for me."

He lets out a soft chuckle and says, "I know it's never just about sex for you, Rylee. It's why I didn't take it to heart when you said that it was never me and that it was only the sex."

A soft sigh leaves my lips and I lay my head on Kyle's shoulder, just wanting to be close to him. I close my eyes and say, "Good. I'm glad you didn't take that to heart. I felt kind of bad after I said it."

"I know you too well sometimes, Rylee," Kyle says, a breathy laugh coming from him. I look up at him. He looks down at me.

Before I can stop myself, I put a hand on the back of his neck and I pull him down to me. My lips crash to his with a gasp. Kyle's hands are on my waist and he pins my hips to the railing. My hands slide to his cheeks, cupping his face as my lips move hastily against his.

This is the first kiss between us while I've been sober, and it's exactly as I remember. His lips are soft, and his facial hair tickles my face. His body is pressed against mine as we kiss under the light of the setting sun. My eyes have fluttered shut as I slip my tongue into Kyle's mouth, deepening the kiss. Kyle gasps and pulls back. I stare up at him, panting slightly.

"I can't do this," Kyle says, looking down at me. "Not until you've actually forgiven me for what I've done. I messed this up once with us and I'm not about to do it again."

I blink at him and say, "The kiss was my fault. I'm sorry."

Kyle smiles and just presses a lingering kiss to my cheek. He says, "Pizza is probably getting cold. We should head back in and eat."

He starts to walk off and I say, "I'll be in soon. I just need to think for a second." Kyle nods at me before he steps back into the house.

I turn back toward the back yard and lean against the wooden railing with my elbows resting on it. I sigh softly.

What am I doing? I told myself four years ago that I wouldn't forgive Kyle for what he did. He hurt me. He sent me down a path that I almost didn't come out of. I went spiraling downhill. I went out every night and got drunk, and it didn't take long for me to get drunk most nights. I almost quit wrestling because of him because I couldn't function for months after we broke up.

It hurt for a long time. A very long time. I never got closure until a few days ago. I never knew why he did it. Maybe I kind of understand why he did it because it's the same reason why I slept with him on Wednesday. I felt alone in a new city, and a part of me still does love Kyle so I did want to be close to him that night.

I really am the biggest hypocrite in the world, aren't I?

After a moment of pondering, I head inside. I grab my pizza and head back into the living room.

Marina says, "She's back. Everything okay?"

I take a bite of pizza after sitting down. I nod as I chew then say, "Yeah. Everything's good." I glance in Kyle's direction and find he's looking at me. I take another bite of pizza before turning my attention back to the TV, where we are now watching Adam versus Johnny Gargano at Takeover XXV.